Dreamin' a Dream

This afternoon I decided it would be a good idea to take a nap before I went into work (I had stayed out late the night before and I had woken up fairly early to take my dad to the doctor for the follow up on his cataract surgery). Little did I know it was going to be the worst decision I made of the day!

All was going great! So I strip down to the essentials (my room is the hottest room in the house) and got all settled with my teddy bear in bed. Sleep came quickly and easily. The funny thing is I started dreaming, vividly... the reason I say this is funny is because I can't remember the last time I dreamed while sleeping.

The dream started off with me back in High School on the first day of school. I was running around with my backpack trying to find my homeroom. Finally I find people that know where it is and happen to be in my homeroom class. We all walk to the classroom and wait outside for the teacher to get there. The school day proceeds and the only thing I really remember about it is gym class. I hung out on the blacktop watching all of the jocks warm up... let's face it ladies who wouldn't dream about this?! lol!

At any rate, at the end of the day I got home to find a letter on the table for me. It was an address and a name I didn't recognize at all. I opened it thinking, "uhhhh, WTF?" Well it turned out to be from my biological mother. I read it and the way she was talking to me seemed like she had been writing letter after letter. So I naturally went to my parents and asked them if they knew anything about it. Their response was, "You weren't supposed to find out about that." Eventually they pulled out a huge box of letters that my biological mother had been writing me for 18 years! I called one of my best friends over to read them with me, just for the moral support. I read them and started bawling my eyes out! It had become such an emotional dream that I actually started crying in my sleep! The best friend I had called for support just kept rubbing my back and asking me, "so what are you going to do now?" I couldn't even answer her I just kept crying and crying. It seemed like hours!

I finally woke up to a tear stained face and my makeup all over my pillow case STILL crying!! I was even more tired than I was when I first laid in my bed and now on top of that I had this load of my biological mother on my mind. Is this my subconscious telling me I need to try to find my mother, or is it just some strange dream that every adopted child has?

I have never had a dream like this ever before! I have always had the thoughts of what would it be like to meet my biological parents, I have wondered what they look like, what their personalities are like, etc. Which I feel are pretty normal for an adopted child. This dream just took me for a loop! I didn't know how to deal with it! I went to work and went about the rest of my day as normal, but it just kept bugging me.

In the past I have called LDS Social Services and asked if there was anything I could do to get more information about my biological parents. The answer was a $50 medical history update and I could sign a consent to contact form. Which just means if by chance my biological parents decide to go look in my adoption file they could get my contact info and find me. This never really interested me before since I would have to make the trek all the way down to San Diego, I would have to pay $50 for something a normal (not adopted) child gets for free, and I didn't think the chances of my biological parents actually contacting me were very high.

Today that has changed. I have decided that I'm going to make the 2 hour drive down to San Diego in the next couple of weeks and do it.

Even if nothing comes of it at least I tired, right?! Well I tried short of hiring a P.I.