Forgotten

Until recently I had forgotten just how much heart break hurt.

I had done a dang good job of keeping my walls and guard up ever since my last heart break. In my mind that was the safest and easiest way to prevent any further damage. Finally, after much deliberation, I had started to let my walls crack and fall down for certain individuals.

I am not talking about telling people about personal experiences and such. I do that all the time, I'm one of the most open people when it comes to things like that. I mean that I let a person see me cry... I never do that. That is the most precious and vulnerable moment of my life I can let any person see. I was able to connect with people on levels that I had never been able to with anyone else in my life. It was a fantastic feeling and I loved every minute of it.

Maybe it was all too good to be true... I recently found out that I was lead to believe things that weren't true. It broke my heart. Dare I say, even worse than the last time.

I'm not mad or angry nor do i have any feelings of angst. I'm just hurt. I want it to go back to the way it was. Which is weird, I know. Growing up this was one of those things I was always sure about. I always thought I'd walk away from the situation and never look back. Boy was I wrong! That's the last thing I want. Call me crazy, but I don't care. It is the only thing I can think about right now.

I don't think I've ever felt so empty. I have been in a place where I haven't been able to eat or sleep much, but never like this. I know it will all work out and the hurt will go away... always does.


"Things usually work out in the end." "What if they don't?" "That just means you haven't come to the end yet."
-Jeannette Walls (The Glass Castle)

"There is no future. There is no past. I live this moment as my last. There's only us. There's only this. Forget regret. Or life is yours to miss"
-RENT The Musical