It is hard to believe that in my 24 years of life I can say that I have not had a SINGLE Un-merry Christmas. Everyone has to have one right? Well, I guess my time has come and this is going be my first Un-merry Christmas.
Why? This will be my first Christmas without my mother. She passed away recently from liver complications due to pancreatic cancer. My mother was such an integral part of the holidays; she did ALL of the decorating, ALL of the gift buying, ALL of the wrapping, and baked the cookies for santa (I guess my dad helped too... He ate the cookies to make it look like Santa had been there). My mother was the reason the season was SO INCREDIBLY special in our household growing up. To not have her around during probably one of her (and my) favorite holidays is something I've been putting off thinking about for as long as I could.... Afterall, It is after all only 4 days away now (and might I add the world hasn't ended).
This year as the Christmas season approached I began to dread it. I didn't want to have anything to do with it. Everything seemed to remind me of my mother and all I could think about was how much I missed her. Reluctantly, I minimally helped Dabney put up Christmas lights, helped take out some Christmas boxes, and wrapped presents.
As I sat on the couch today I realized the last couple of days I have looked at things a bit differently. The last few days hadn't been completely, "I hate this I miss my mom!!!!" I've started realizing all of the things she found joy in this holiday season and started taking joy in them too.
That thought made me happy. Sharing hobbies/interests with each other is something my mom loved.
It also reminded me of an email I had received from a friend just after the initial news of my mom. He shared a story of a friend he had lost to cancer, how it was difficult to deal with, but how he can now find joy in using the possessions his friend gave him. It is his way of celebrating the times they shared, so to say.
Without really knowing it I have taken the advice to heart. I have started using her things; while at first my heart would just absolutely ache, instead I now remember all of the great moments we had. Whether it's a memory of her giving John and I the beaters to lick after making cookie dough or melting pounds and pounds of chocolate with me to make chocolate lollipops to raise money for my Best Buddies club in High School.
I have now tried to apply it to more than just possessions. My mother taught me a lot over the years. The one thing she taught me best was never lose the Disney Magic. She was ALWAYS nice and never let anything get her down. She always seemed to find joy in something, even if the situation was awful and I have taken note of her (well organized) genuine care for everyone she came in contact with and how she always tried to be welcoming. This holiday season I have tried to be more like my mother in these ways. I have been a bit happier as a result and I think people unknowingly appreciate it. (Let's just say she is a pretty smart woman.)
I know the next few days are going to be hard to handle. Nothing can prepare me for the storm that will be Christmas, but I will go into this thinking of how I can best celebrate her instead of dwelling on the fact she's not with us.
Wish me luck...
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
Why I Love to Teach Dance
I have a love of teaching dance, it's nothing new... This is a love I always have had, just have never felt very good at it. Recently I have been working on and honing my teaching skills. Hopefully they have improved a little bit at least.
There are many reasons I like teaching. The biggest one is that I get to see the smile on someone's face when they finally "get" what we are doing.
We teach weekly Friday night classes in East Mesa, the last few weeks there have been some less than coordinated people in the class. Nevertheless we all worked hard, we broke down movement, footwork, connection, everything! BUT some of the people in the class just couldn't get it. Dabney and I started to rotate in as leads (since classes always seem to be follow heavy), and I would work with each girl for a little bit before she moved on. There was one girl, about age 14, who for the whole hour could not get her feet to do the footwork for the life of her. We had one last practice song then class was over, and I was determined she would be triple stepping her heart out by the end of this class. As she rotated to me I knew I had one last chance to try to help her in any way I could think of. We were going along and everything was how it had been... until we were suddenly connected and triple stepping. As I was saying footwork and counting and giving slight hints she had an epiphany! I looked up at her face and it was glowing with excitement with a HUGE SMILE from cheek to cheek! When we stopped dancing she no longer was the shy girl looking down at the floor and didn't put her hands in her pockets or cross her arms! She was a confident new woman!
I don't know if that transformation will be just for that moment or whether it will affect the rest of her life, but the fact is I helped her realize she can do something she thought she couldn't and more than just making myself feel good about doing that she felt good about herself! Seeing someone happy with themselves. This is why I teach dance.
On the flip side we taught one of our students how to lead a girl to travel in at various counts of the swing out. We believe in being versatile dancers, yes there are dancing trends but that does not mean that you shouldn't be able to do everything else. The best leads and the best follows are well rounded.
Well our student was so excited that he learned that you can lead in on 1, 2, or 3! He just wanted to share his new found knowledge! He found some local instructors he thought would want to geek out on dancing and told them of his mind blowing experience. Instead of returned excitement, he got yelled at telling him to never lead in on 1 or 3 he is to always lead in on 2 and that we aren't teaching up to date material. This student was taken aback and in turn felt bad about himself and abilities. Instead of being encouraging and instead explain why they do it the way they do, they immediately went on the defensive and started making this student feel attacked.
Now I feel very strongly about what happened. Whoever calls themselves a teacher has automatically taken on a role of understanding and patience. A teacher is not a person who should break someone down (unless they ask you to, lol).
There's a saying every one knows, "The more you know, the more you realize how much you don't- the less you know, the more you think you know (David T. Freeman)." Even teachers don't know everything or our students are going to have different opinions than us, and as teachers we need to be ok with that.
Another reason I love teaching is that I learn so much more from teaching than I ever did taking a lesson. Everyday I'm learning something new, whether it is how to change the connection slightly to allow more body isolation, how to say the same thing 5 different ways, etc!
Teaching is also helping me open up my mind to new creative outlets. I'm choreographing in my sleep, down the isle of the grocery store, and while brushing my teeth! I'm able to hear different things in the music I wasn't able to before because I didn't have to pay attention where now I do and I have a better understanding of music transition as a DJ from teaching!
All around I think I like this teaching thing a lot and I think people think I'm kind of good at it too. Which makes it that much better!
There are many reasons I like teaching. The biggest one is that I get to see the smile on someone's face when they finally "get" what we are doing.
We teach weekly Friday night classes in East Mesa, the last few weeks there have been some less than coordinated people in the class. Nevertheless we all worked hard, we broke down movement, footwork, connection, everything! BUT some of the people in the class just couldn't get it. Dabney and I started to rotate in as leads (since classes always seem to be follow heavy), and I would work with each girl for a little bit before she moved on. There was one girl, about age 14, who for the whole hour could not get her feet to do the footwork for the life of her. We had one last practice song then class was over, and I was determined she would be triple stepping her heart out by the end of this class. As she rotated to me I knew I had one last chance to try to help her in any way I could think of. We were going along and everything was how it had been... until we were suddenly connected and triple stepping. As I was saying footwork and counting and giving slight hints she had an epiphany! I looked up at her face and it was glowing with excitement with a HUGE SMILE from cheek to cheek! When we stopped dancing she no longer was the shy girl looking down at the floor and didn't put her hands in her pockets or cross her arms! She was a confident new woman!
I don't know if that transformation will be just for that moment or whether it will affect the rest of her life, but the fact is I helped her realize she can do something she thought she couldn't and more than just making myself feel good about doing that she felt good about herself! Seeing someone happy with themselves. This is why I teach dance.
On the flip side we taught one of our students how to lead a girl to travel in at various counts of the swing out. We believe in being versatile dancers, yes there are dancing trends but that does not mean that you shouldn't be able to do everything else. The best leads and the best follows are well rounded.
Well our student was so excited that he learned that you can lead in on 1, 2, or 3! He just wanted to share his new found knowledge! He found some local instructors he thought would want to geek out on dancing and told them of his mind blowing experience. Instead of returned excitement, he got yelled at telling him to never lead in on 1 or 3 he is to always lead in on 2 and that we aren't teaching up to date material. This student was taken aback and in turn felt bad about himself and abilities. Instead of being encouraging and instead explain why they do it the way they do, they immediately went on the defensive and started making this student feel attacked.
Now I feel very strongly about what happened. Whoever calls themselves a teacher has automatically taken on a role of understanding and patience. A teacher is not a person who should break someone down (unless they ask you to, lol).
There's a saying every one knows, "The more you know, the more you realize how much you don't- the less you know, the more you think you know (David T. Freeman)." Even teachers don't know everything or our students are going to have different opinions than us, and as teachers we need to be ok with that.
Another reason I love teaching is that I learn so much more from teaching than I ever did taking a lesson. Everyday I'm learning something new, whether it is how to change the connection slightly to allow more body isolation, how to say the same thing 5 different ways, etc!
Teaching is also helping me open up my mind to new creative outlets. I'm choreographing in my sleep, down the isle of the grocery store, and while brushing my teeth! I'm able to hear different things in the music I wasn't able to before because I didn't have to pay attention where now I do and I have a better understanding of music transition as a DJ from teaching!
All around I think I like this teaching thing a lot and I think people think I'm kind of good at it too. Which makes it that much better!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Cry me a River
This last weekend was Camp Hollywood. I had been looking forward to this weekend all year!! I was super stoked about it! Everything went really well. Morgan and I competed in Shag and Shaheed and I competed in the Amateur Lindy division. We placed 4th in the Lindy competition. If any of you follow my twitter account you would have noticed that I was SUPER upset Sunday night. I believe the tweet was that I had just had the worst experience of my life.
At any rate, I seriously did have the WORST experience of my life!! One of my really good friends (who happened to.be someone whose opinion I hold very high) was the meanest anyone has ever been to me. I went from wanting to choreograph routines, wanting to get a team (or two) together, and work on my dancing for competitions... to not even wanting to think about dancing ever again!
This person told me that my dancing has gotten way worse since I moved away and that people were talking about how bad it had gotten. This person then proceeded to tell me that they were down to work with me and be partners, but now I don't have my things in order, my dancing isn't on the level, and that they don't want to work together anymore.
I stood there speechless trying to blink back the tears. I mean having someone you are good friends with come and tell you that you suck at what you've dedicated the last 7 years of your life to... not only that you suck, but that you used to be good, but now you've become bad at it. I felt so small and worthless.
I didn't even dance once that night at Camp Hollywood. It was the last night of the event I had been looking forward to for 7 months, my last chance to say goodbye to people before we all went our separate ways, but instead of dancing and having a good night I sat on a couch in a hallway at the LAX Marriott with Dabney balling my eyes out. Even thinking about it now is making me tear up.
It was awful and I hated every minute of the whole experience. No one should ever have to go through that... EVER! I have never experienced a 180 before that moment and I haven't really been able to shake the desire to quit dancing all together.
I love dancing, and I know it is silly to base my feelings, desires, and ideas off of someone else's opinion, but there are some things in life I just can't help... and this is one of them.
At any rate, I seriously did have the WORST experience of my life!! One of my really good friends (who happened to.be someone whose opinion I hold very high) was the meanest anyone has ever been to me. I went from wanting to choreograph routines, wanting to get a team (or two) together, and work on my dancing for competitions... to not even wanting to think about dancing ever again!
This person told me that my dancing has gotten way worse since I moved away and that people were talking about how bad it had gotten. This person then proceeded to tell me that they were down to work with me and be partners, but now I don't have my things in order, my dancing isn't on the level, and that they don't want to work together anymore.
I stood there speechless trying to blink back the tears. I mean having someone you are good friends with come and tell you that you suck at what you've dedicated the last 7 years of your life to... not only that you suck, but that you used to be good, but now you've become bad at it. I felt so small and worthless.
I didn't even dance once that night at Camp Hollywood. It was the last night of the event I had been looking forward to for 7 months, my last chance to say goodbye to people before we all went our separate ways, but instead of dancing and having a good night I sat on a couch in a hallway at the LAX Marriott with Dabney balling my eyes out. Even thinking about it now is making me tear up.
It was awful and I hated every minute of the whole experience. No one should ever have to go through that... EVER! I have never experienced a 180 before that moment and I haven't really been able to shake the desire to quit dancing all together.
I love dancing, and I know it is silly to base my feelings, desires, and ideas off of someone else's opinion, but there are some things in life I just can't help... and this is one of them.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Call Me Crazy!
Yeah, yeah , yeah... what's new? Everyone calls me crazy all the time... this isn't anything out of the ordinary... so why am I posting?! Well, other than giving the world another beautiful bit of my brain to read for their pleasure (or torture... however you look at it), I have come to this forum to express an opinion.
I have always been of the opinion that everyone should put in their fair share of work. Mind you I'm not saying that delegation isn't a wonderful thing. I mean although you may be delegating your workload... you're still doing work by delegating. Delegating is probably the hardest part of doing anything!! So kudos to all delegators! I'm talking about selling yourself... and no, I'm not talkin' prostitution.
Any small business that a person is starting has to promote themselves. Thanks to the WORLD WIDE WEB promoting one's self has become even easier!
(I had typed the "background" section and deleted it then retyped and deleted it about 5 or 6 times now. SO... I'm just going to cut to the chase without any back story.)
I don't feel I should promote or try to get people to use your services if you are clearly not doing anything to promote yourself. Also I'm not going to promote you if you use the same name as something else in the area (meaning not area specific things IE not "_____ on Main" or "Sun devil _____" Or "Valley _______").
You know how McDonalds says price and participation may vary.... well having the same name would be like being a McDonalds franchise and not participating in anything, your mascot would be Hippy the Hippo and you'd serve spaghetti.
At any rate... I have found some people want something for nothing. Too bad they aren't going to get it from me.
Ok... /crazy-b****-rant
I have always been of the opinion that everyone should put in their fair share of work. Mind you I'm not saying that delegation isn't a wonderful thing. I mean although you may be delegating your workload... you're still doing work by delegating. Delegating is probably the hardest part of doing anything!! So kudos to all delegators! I'm talking about selling yourself... and no, I'm not talkin' prostitution.
Any small business that a person is starting has to promote themselves. Thanks to the WORLD WIDE WEB promoting one's self has become even easier!
(I had typed the "background" section and deleted it then retyped and deleted it about 5 or 6 times now. SO... I'm just going to cut to the chase without any back story.)
I don't feel I should promote or try to get people to use your services if you are clearly not doing anything to promote yourself. Also I'm not going to promote you if you use the same name as something else in the area (meaning not area specific things IE not "_____ on Main" or "Sun devil _____" Or "Valley _______").
You know how McDonalds says price and participation may vary.... well having the same name would be like being a McDonalds franchise and not participating in anything, your mascot would be Hippy the Hippo and you'd serve spaghetti.
At any rate... I have found some people want something for nothing. Too bad they aren't going to get it from me.
Ok... /crazy-b****-rant
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Teaching
As most of you know since moving out to Phoenix I've started teaching and actually being a part of the whole "behind the scenes" business that has to happen to make the dances, lessons, etc. work. It has been an amazing experience! I have learned some pretty interesting things as a result and am still learning!
Not everyone will understand what you are saying... Therefore I need to be able to explain things in a bunch of different ways. I haven't always been the best at this. In the past few years after being put into different teaching situations I have learned how to explain things differently.
I pay attention to detail more while I'm dancing. I want to be able to explain every little detail I feel/see/know when I'm teaching something. And I'm most likely going to teach something I already do it actually helps to pay attention to every single dance I have... even the dances with the newbies... probably even more so with the newbies.
I have learned how not to teach... well partly how not to teach. I still need work on that one. I have gone to beginning/intermediate lessons and watched those and participated because I want to see different teaching styles and I want to make a well rounded decision on what works and what doesn't. I think that's a pretty good route to go.
I do still need a ton of improvement as a teacher. If any teachers out there... whether you a teacher of dancing or not... if you have any wise old wisdom to impart on a grasshopper I will gladly accept!
Not everyone will understand what you are saying... Therefore I need to be able to explain things in a bunch of different ways. I haven't always been the best at this. In the past few years after being put into different teaching situations I have learned how to explain things differently.
I pay attention to detail more while I'm dancing. I want to be able to explain every little detail I feel/see/know when I'm teaching something. And I'm most likely going to teach something I already do it actually helps to pay attention to every single dance I have... even the dances with the newbies... probably even more so with the newbies.
I have learned how not to teach... well partly how not to teach. I still need work on that one. I have gone to beginning/intermediate lessons and watched those and participated because I want to see different teaching styles and I want to make a well rounded decision on what works and what doesn't. I think that's a pretty good route to go.
I do still need a ton of improvement as a teacher. If any teachers out there... whether you a teacher of dancing or not... if you have any wise old wisdom to impart on a grasshopper I will gladly accept!
Updated
I am not the greatest blog poster... or twitter-er... especially when I'm actually having a blast and am loving what I'm doing. Blogging and twitter are mainly for the hum drum boring moments in my day, which are few and far between.
Well What am I up to out here in the "valley of the sun"? Well here it goes!
The job I initially moved out here for has had a few set backs due to mail not getting to me in time. BUT I have the opportunity to turn it around and start the hiring process again. So I will be getting back on track with it and make sure it goes through this time.
I worked at a call center for 2 days... it was a means to an end job... just to get some fund-age, but ended up being the shadiest company I've ever seen. So with that knowledge I left my second day in the office regretting the possibility that I may come back for a 3rd day. When my alarm went off on the 3rd day at 5:30am I decided that I couldn't work for a company that wouldn't even tell it's own employees where their funding came from. Especially when I got in trouble the day before for telling someone too much information, in all reality I didn't tell them any information at all. They still had a TON of questions regarding the company and our "services" BUT I was told that I couldn't answer any of them. Weird, huh?!
SO in the mean time I've only been working as a professional dancer with Dabs, while submitting applications and resumes at different places. I've actually loved being a dance instructor. I think I'll write another blog post about being an instructor and all that goes with it... just a heads up. I mean although it is 3 in the morning I'm not tired at all!
I live with two dogs, Basie and Jane. They are about the cutest dogs ever. Super nice and friendly and oh boy do they love to cuddle Oh and they love to lick. Basie will try to lick whatever he can get his tongue on. Jane on the other hand will only "go for the gold," she will only lick at your mouth or eyes or ears. What I love about them is they aren't the annoying type of dogs that come in and wake you up when you're sleeping just because they are up and want to play. They wait until you are up to start annoying you. ;)
Dabs and I are doing great! We definitely make a great team! It's awesome and there is no one in the world I'd rather be a team with. Except maybe Darkwing Duck... *heavy sigh* if only he were real... Then Dabs might have to worry. lol. Dabs and I have been teaching together and running the dances together recently and it's been loads of fun! I am starting to get more involved in things which is really awesome because I totally want to get more involved and set things in motion. I have an amazing drive and goals and I am finally starting to see some of them play out. We'll see what ends up happening! It's exciting to think about!
It rained here tonight... which for people that have normal cars is not a big deal... But my car is not normal. As soon as I realized that it was rain outside I was hearing I ran outside and tried to get everything that could get ruined by the rain over to the other side of my car. See on the passenger side of my car the doors don't shut all the way... and rain, pine needles, pieces of trash enter my car undetected. Making rain a bit of an issue for my car. This experience has probably been the most stressful one since moving out here... Making it noteworthy.
Well as far as that goes I think I'm pretty much done with the little mini update on my life. I know for a MINI update it's pretty long... but hey it could be longer! ciao!
Well What am I up to out here in the "valley of the sun"? Well here it goes!
The job I initially moved out here for has had a few set backs due to mail not getting to me in time. BUT I have the opportunity to turn it around and start the hiring process again. So I will be getting back on track with it and make sure it goes through this time.
I worked at a call center for 2 days... it was a means to an end job... just to get some fund-age, but ended up being the shadiest company I've ever seen. So with that knowledge I left my second day in the office regretting the possibility that I may come back for a 3rd day. When my alarm went off on the 3rd day at 5:30am I decided that I couldn't work for a company that wouldn't even tell it's own employees where their funding came from. Especially when I got in trouble the day before for telling someone too much information, in all reality I didn't tell them any information at all. They still had a TON of questions regarding the company and our "services" BUT I was told that I couldn't answer any of them. Weird, huh?!
SO in the mean time I've only been working as a professional dancer with Dabs, while submitting applications and resumes at different places. I've actually loved being a dance instructor. I think I'll write another blog post about being an instructor and all that goes with it... just a heads up. I mean although it is 3 in the morning I'm not tired at all!
I live with two dogs, Basie and Jane. They are about the cutest dogs ever. Super nice and friendly and oh boy do they love to cuddle Oh and they love to lick. Basie will try to lick whatever he can get his tongue on. Jane on the other hand will only "go for the gold," she will only lick at your mouth or eyes or ears. What I love about them is they aren't the annoying type of dogs that come in and wake you up when you're sleeping just because they are up and want to play. They wait until you are up to start annoying you. ;)
Dabs and I are doing great! We definitely make a great team! It's awesome and there is no one in the world I'd rather be a team with. Except maybe Darkwing Duck... *heavy sigh* if only he were real... Then Dabs might have to worry. lol. Dabs and I have been teaching together and running the dances together recently and it's been loads of fun! I am starting to get more involved in things which is really awesome because I totally want to get more involved and set things in motion. I have an amazing drive and goals and I am finally starting to see some of them play out. We'll see what ends up happening! It's exciting to think about!
It rained here tonight... which for people that have normal cars is not a big deal... But my car is not normal. As soon as I realized that it was rain outside I was hearing I ran outside and tried to get everything that could get ruined by the rain over to the other side of my car. See on the passenger side of my car the doors don't shut all the way... and rain, pine needles, pieces of trash enter my car undetected. Making rain a bit of an issue for my car. This experience has probably been the most stressful one since moving out here... Making it noteworthy.
Well as far as that goes I think I'm pretty much done with the little mini update on my life. I know for a MINI update it's pretty long... but hey it could be longer! ciao!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
No Prevaricating Here
I started this post about a month ago and never finished it. Lol.
There's no use prevaricating around the bush... I am happy and in love. I never really thought that it could ever truly happen after my first real heart break. Because of that thinking I made some pretty dumb choices, which have hurt myself and others in the process... always fun. NOT! (yes that was a throw back to the 90's!)
I have been in Arizona for a month and a half and have spent everyday with Dabs... I can seriously say that I am more in love with him now than I was when I moved out here!
It's amazing the end!
There's no use prevaricating around the bush... I am happy and in love. I never really thought that it could ever truly happen after my first real heart break. Because of that thinking I made some pretty dumb choices, which have hurt myself and others in the process... always fun. NOT! (yes that was a throw back to the 90's!)
I have been in Arizona for a month and a half and have spent everyday with Dabs... I can seriously say that I am more in love with him now than I was when I moved out here!
It's amazing the end!
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