You know when you get into a mood and you just want to post but you don't have anything to post about?? Well that's me right now! Sooo I'm just gonna talk for a bit!
Yes it's 3 o'clock in the morning... and I'm not sleeping. Like the crazy person that I am for some reason I decide NOW is a good time to post a BLOG.
Well in life, contrary to my normal response of nothing, a lot has been going on. I am currently a full time student, I currently work full time, and on top of that I dance almost every night of the week! Something had to give so I have decided to drop a class which will still leave me with 9 or 10 credits which is a pretty hefty load.
I just had my 21st birthday on August 30th! I went to Vegas and let me tell you, that was a BLAST! The last month has been a good month as far as traveling wise. Out of the last 5 weekends I've only been home one. I have gone to Phoenix three times to visit friends and go to dance events and I went to Vegas once.
The traveling isn't going to stop there!! Next week on Wednesday (September 30, 2009) I am leaving for Montana to go perform/teach at a Jazz Festival and on the way back I am going to spend a few days (October 5, 2009 - October 8, 2009) in Denver since I have always wanted to go and NEVER have! THEN on October 16th I will be up in San Fransisco for a dance competition! After that competition I am planning on chilling and working as much as possible to save up for my AUSTRALIA trip on November 19th!!! After Australia I'm hoping to be able to go back to San Fran (December 4th - 6th) to compete at the Balboa Battle. Then I am HOPING to go to Lindy Focus in Asheville, North Carolina to throw down my and Shaheed's improved showcase!
MAN!!! That made me tired just typing about all of these travels!!! I can't believe how lucky I am to be able to travel all over the world!!
As you can tell I'm super stoked about all of it!
I just can't wait to do more traveling!!!
alright time to /geekingout
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
Dreamin' a Dream
This afternoon I decided it would be a good idea to take a nap before I went into work (I had stayed out late the night before and I had woken up fairly early to take my dad to the doctor for the follow up on his cataract surgery). Little did I know it was going to be the worst decision I made of the day!
All was going great! So I strip down to the essentials (my room is the hottest room in the house) and got all settled with my teddy bear in bed. Sleep came quickly and easily. The funny thing is I started dreaming, vividly... the reason I say this is funny is because I can't remember the last time I dreamed while sleeping.
The dream started off with me back in High School on the first day of school. I was running around with my backpack trying to find my homeroom. Finally I find people that know where it is and happen to be in my homeroom class. We all walk to the classroom and wait outside for the teacher to get there. The school day proceeds and the only thing I really remember about it is gym class. I hung out on the blacktop watching all of the jocks warm up... let's face it ladies who wouldn't dream about this?! lol!
At any rate, at the end of the day I got home to find a letter on the table for me. It was an address and a name I didn't recognize at all. I opened it thinking, "uhhhh, WTF?" Well it turned out to be from my biological mother. I read it and the way she was talking to me seemed like she had been writing letter after letter. So I naturally went to my parents and asked them if they knew anything about it. Their response was, "You weren't supposed to find out about that." Eventually they pulled out a huge box of letters that my biological mother had been writing me for 18 years! I called one of my best friends over to read them with me, just for the moral support. I read them and started bawling my eyes out! It had become such an emotional dream that I actually started crying in my sleep! The best friend I had called for support just kept rubbing my back and asking me, "so what are you going to do now?" I couldn't even answer her I just kept crying and crying. It seemed like hours!
I finally woke up to a tear stained face and my makeup all over my pillow case STILL crying!! I was even more tired than I was when I first laid in my bed and now on top of that I had this load of my biological mother on my mind. Is this my subconscious telling me I need to try to find my mother, or is it just some strange dream that every adopted child has?
I have never had a dream like this ever before! I have always had the thoughts of what would it be like to meet my biological parents, I have wondered what they look like, what their personalities are like, etc. Which I feel are pretty normal for an adopted child. This dream just took me for a loop! I didn't know how to deal with it! I went to work and went about the rest of my day as normal, but it just kept bugging me.
In the past I have called LDS Social Services and asked if there was anything I could do to get more information about my biological parents. The answer was a $50 medical history update and I could sign a consent to contact form. Which just means if by chance my biological parents decide to go look in my adoption file they could get my contact info and find me. This never really interested me before since I would have to make the trek all the way down to San Diego, I would have to pay $50 for something a normal (not adopted) child gets for free, and I didn't think the chances of my biological parents actually contacting me were very high.
Today that has changed. I have decided that I'm going to make the 2 hour drive down to San Diego in the next couple of weeks and do it.
Even if nothing comes of it at least I tired, right?! Well I tried short of hiring a P.I.
All was going great! So I strip down to the essentials (my room is the hottest room in the house) and got all settled with my teddy bear in bed. Sleep came quickly and easily. The funny thing is I started dreaming, vividly... the reason I say this is funny is because I can't remember the last time I dreamed while sleeping.
The dream started off with me back in High School on the first day of school. I was running around with my backpack trying to find my homeroom. Finally I find people that know where it is and happen to be in my homeroom class. We all walk to the classroom and wait outside for the teacher to get there. The school day proceeds and the only thing I really remember about it is gym class. I hung out on the blacktop watching all of the jocks warm up... let's face it ladies who wouldn't dream about this?! lol!
At any rate, at the end of the day I got home to find a letter on the table for me. It was an address and a name I didn't recognize at all. I opened it thinking, "uhhhh, WTF?" Well it turned out to be from my biological mother. I read it and the way she was talking to me seemed like she had been writing letter after letter. So I naturally went to my parents and asked them if they knew anything about it. Their response was, "You weren't supposed to find out about that." Eventually they pulled out a huge box of letters that my biological mother had been writing me for 18 years! I called one of my best friends over to read them with me, just for the moral support. I read them and started bawling my eyes out! It had become such an emotional dream that I actually started crying in my sleep! The best friend I had called for support just kept rubbing my back and asking me, "so what are you going to do now?" I couldn't even answer her I just kept crying and crying. It seemed like hours!
I finally woke up to a tear stained face and my makeup all over my pillow case STILL crying!! I was even more tired than I was when I first laid in my bed and now on top of that I had this load of my biological mother on my mind. Is this my subconscious telling me I need to try to find my mother, or is it just some strange dream that every adopted child has?
I have never had a dream like this ever before! I have always had the thoughts of what would it be like to meet my biological parents, I have wondered what they look like, what their personalities are like, etc. Which I feel are pretty normal for an adopted child. This dream just took me for a loop! I didn't know how to deal with it! I went to work and went about the rest of my day as normal, but it just kept bugging me.
In the past I have called LDS Social Services and asked if there was anything I could do to get more information about my biological parents. The answer was a $50 medical history update and I could sign a consent to contact form. Which just means if by chance my biological parents decide to go look in my adoption file they could get my contact info and find me. This never really interested me before since I would have to make the trek all the way down to San Diego, I would have to pay $50 for something a normal (not adopted) child gets for free, and I didn't think the chances of my biological parents actually contacting me were very high.
Today that has changed. I have decided that I'm going to make the 2 hour drive down to San Diego in the next couple of weeks and do it.
Even if nothing comes of it at least I tired, right?! Well I tried short of hiring a P.I.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Australia Bound
If you follow my Twitter feed or my Facebook statuses you should know by now that I'm going to Melbourne, Australia. You should have also been able to conclude that I'm am absolutely ecstatic about going!
There are many reasons for me to be so dang excited! One is that it will be my first time out of the country. I haven't even had a passport until this month! My family aren't very big travelers. My mom and grandma go to Disneyworld every once and a while (although not since 2007) but that's the extent of the traveling that my immediate family really does. So I grew up thinking that no one went out of the country unless you were rolling in the dough. Now my mentality of it has changed... I mean if I still thought that way I wouldn't even entertain the idea of going out of the country!
I made a New Year's Resolution to go out of the country this year. So I'm actually doing it! When I made the goal I was a bit nervous. I didn't know if I was actually going to be able to pull it off. I mean it's a pretty lofty goal for someone who had recently incurred a lot of bills and such. I decided that if it came down to December and I still hadn't gone anywhere out of the country that I would just drive the 4 or 5 hours to Mexico and call it good and try for somewhere on a different continent next year.
Needless to say I knew I was never going to be satisfied doing it the easy way. So I made a plan. I recently started teaching private dance lessons and group lessons and was gaining revenue from that. After the first couple of privates I taught I decided to save the money I make from teaching, or dancing of any type, and put it specifically toward other dance related events. Well after deciding that I had the bright idea to make my out of country experience and my dance event experience coincide! (Brilliant I know!) Now the only question was where do I go??
Well I came to the conclusion of Australia because 1. a friend of mine (who knew of my goal to go out of the country) kept pushing me to go to Australia, 2. a swing dancing friend of mine that I met here in LA just recently moved to Melbourne, 3. I met a friendly awesome dancer from Melbourne, and 4. I found out (via my 2 previously mentioned swing dancing friends) that Melbourne has a lindy exchange in November.
I would love to go south of the equator where it's starting to warm up as we're starting to cool down up here on the north end of things! Now I know what you're thinking... "Karen you live in Los Angeles! It doesn't get cold in LA!" That's besides the point... it will get cold enough!
In short... I'm super stoked to be going to Melbourne from November 19th (arriving in Melbourne November 21st) to December 3rd!!!
If anyone has any suggestions on what I should do while I'm there let me know! I would love to hear everything you know!
There are many reasons for me to be so dang excited! One is that it will be my first time out of the country. I haven't even had a passport until this month! My family aren't very big travelers. My mom and grandma go to Disneyworld every once and a while (although not since 2007) but that's the extent of the traveling that my immediate family really does. So I grew up thinking that no one went out of the country unless you were rolling in the dough. Now my mentality of it has changed... I mean if I still thought that way I wouldn't even entertain the idea of going out of the country!
I made a New Year's Resolution to go out of the country this year. So I'm actually doing it! When I made the goal I was a bit nervous. I didn't know if I was actually going to be able to pull it off. I mean it's a pretty lofty goal for someone who had recently incurred a lot of bills and such. I decided that if it came down to December and I still hadn't gone anywhere out of the country that I would just drive the 4 or 5 hours to Mexico and call it good and try for somewhere on a different continent next year.
Needless to say I knew I was never going to be satisfied doing it the easy way. So I made a plan. I recently started teaching private dance lessons and group lessons and was gaining revenue from that. After the first couple of privates I taught I decided to save the money I make from teaching, or dancing of any type, and put it specifically toward other dance related events. Well after deciding that I had the bright idea to make my out of country experience and my dance event experience coincide! (Brilliant I know!) Now the only question was where do I go??
Well I came to the conclusion of Australia because 1. a friend of mine (who knew of my goal to go out of the country) kept pushing me to go to Australia, 2. a swing dancing friend of mine that I met here in LA just recently moved to Melbourne, 3. I met a friendly awesome dancer from Melbourne, and 4. I found out (via my 2 previously mentioned swing dancing friends) that Melbourne has a lindy exchange in November.
I would love to go south of the equator where it's starting to warm up as we're starting to cool down up here on the north end of things! Now I know what you're thinking... "Karen you live in Los Angeles! It doesn't get cold in LA!" That's besides the point... it will get cold enough!
In short... I'm super stoked to be going to Melbourne from November 19th (arriving in Melbourne November 21st) to December 3rd!!!
If anyone has any suggestions on what I should do while I'm there let me know! I would love to hear everything you know!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Enemy of the Public
Maybe you can, or maybe you can't, infer where the title of this post came from... just to make sure we're all on the same page; it is from the movie Public Enemy. I just saw it with my good friend Brendyn. First and foremost let me say that it was amazing! I absolutely LOVED it!
If you are SUPER anal about not giving ANYTHING away about a movie you might want to just skip to the end to read the summary of the blog post (last sentence).
My favorite part of the movie was the love story between John Dillinger and Billie Frechette. John is madly in love with Billie! I, being the hopeless romantic that I am, was captivated and transported to a realm of such devoted, undying, irresistible, unconditional love. It was fan-freaking-tastic!
I felt the bond was SO strong that I actually teared up and had a tear fall down my face. Now if you know me, you'll know that I just don't ever cry*... especially when it comes to movies. It made me long for that kind of relationship!
Not the one where it's just me that into the relationship, or just him that into the relationship, but one where we both are in love to the point of doing anything for each other. It's an easy thing to want in my mind. I mean really; who wouldn't want to always have someone to run to for whatever reason and know they will always be there no matter what?! That's what I hope to have one day!
Johnny Depp was SO great at portraying this chemistry. I know you're probably thinking, "uhh duh Karen, he's an actor he gets paid to make you believe he's in love with people all the time." BUT just because it's their profession, doesn't mean they do it seamlessly. His eyes said it all! If you watch the movie on mute and just look at the way Depp's eyes/face/body language are when he's with her you would get the same impression as you would with the sound on! Now THAT my friends is the hardest thing to do. For instance, Twilight has been deemed a great love story. The movie though didn't do the intense level of love between Bella and Edward justice. Those actors were definitely not as seasoned as Johnny.
AT ANY RATE, point being I love love, I want a connection and kinship one day that is enduring and never ending, and I appreciate actors who bring out the best of the love story!
If you are SUPER anal about not giving ANYTHING away about a movie you might want to just skip to the end to read the summary of the blog post (last sentence).
My favorite part of the movie was the love story between John Dillinger and Billie Frechette. John is madly in love with Billie! I, being the hopeless romantic that I am, was captivated and transported to a realm of such devoted, undying, irresistible, unconditional love. It was fan-freaking-tastic!
I felt the bond was SO strong that I actually teared up and had a tear fall down my face. Now if you know me, you'll know that I just don't ever cry*... especially when it comes to movies. It made me long for that kind of relationship!
Not the one where it's just me that into the relationship, or just him that into the relationship, but one where we both are in love to the point of doing anything for each other. It's an easy thing to want in my mind. I mean really; who wouldn't want to always have someone to run to for whatever reason and know they will always be there no matter what?! That's what I hope to have one day!
Johnny Depp was SO great at portraying this chemistry. I know you're probably thinking, "uhh duh Karen, he's an actor he gets paid to make you believe he's in love with people all the time." BUT just because it's their profession, doesn't mean they do it seamlessly. His eyes said it all! If you watch the movie on mute and just look at the way Depp's eyes/face/body language are when he's with her you would get the same impression as you would with the sound on! Now THAT my friends is the hardest thing to do. For instance, Twilight has been deemed a great love story. The movie though didn't do the intense level of love between Bella and Edward justice. Those actors were definitely not as seasoned as Johnny.
AT ANY RATE, point being I love love, I want a connection and kinship one day that is enduring and never ending, and I appreciate actors who bring out the best of the love story!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Hopeless Romance
Today I was going through the stuff in my closet and I cam a cross a box full of a ton of mementos from when my dad was courting my mom. As I was looking through everything I started getting giddy and I was like a little school girl! I enjoyed it quite thoroughly.
I remember going through this box years ago and ever since then I've remembered a poem that my dad wrote for my mom. I found it again tonight. I'm going to share it now, because I figured I might as well... it's cute!
"It's written in pen, It started with a Kiss...
If you love me, honey, you answer just this!!!
Donna, I love you, So please be true.
Can't you tell by the things I do??
Your heart is like a lump of gold...
It's hard to get and hard to hold!!!
I once had a heart so warm and true,
But now it's gone from me to you!!!
Did you know that the Lord Above
Created you for me to love???
He picked you out from all the rest
Because he knew I'd like you best!!!
When I get to Heaven and see you're not there
I'll write your name on the Golden Stair
For all the angels to know how how much your love really means.
And if you're not there by the judgment day.
I'll know you went the other way!!!
I'll give the angels back their wings
Golden halos and all those things
And Just to prove my love is true
I'll go to hell to be with you."
-Jack Vizzard
I remember going through this box years ago and ever since then I've remembered a poem that my dad wrote for my mom. I found it again tonight. I'm going to share it now, because I figured I might as well... it's cute!
"It's written in pen, It started with a Kiss...
If you love me, honey, you answer just this!!!
Donna, I love you, So please be true.
Can't you tell by the things I do??
Your heart is like a lump of gold...
It's hard to get and hard to hold!!!
I once had a heart so warm and true,
But now it's gone from me to you!!!
Did you know that the Lord Above
Created you for me to love???
He picked you out from all the rest
Because he knew I'd like you best!!!
When I get to Heaven and see you're not there
I'll write your name on the Golden Stair
For all the angels to know how how much your love really means.
And if you're not there by the judgment day.
I'll know you went the other way!!!
I'll give the angels back their wings
Golden halos and all those things
And Just to prove my love is true
I'll go to hell to be with you."
-Jack Vizzard
Monday, June 8, 2009
I'll speak with you
I have recently met a very nice swing dancer from Australia. Being that he is from Australia it means he has a different accent and different mannerisms than what I'm used to when it comes to everyday speech. And I, being the observant person that I am, have noticed quite a few of them. For instance it's a car park... not a parking lot.
The one that really has stuck out though is whenever he talks about calling me or me calling him he always says "I'll speak with you..." Usually that wouldn't give anyone pause, but as we all know I'm a very unique individual. On the way home from dropping him off after dancing at Atomic I realized why I kept thinking about it!
I have always said/heard "I'll talk to you..." This is a one direction statement. It is the same as a note from high school, you write "TO:" and "From:" because in a note the person can't immediately reply to the person the note is from in the same form of the language. OR when you give a birthday present TO a person.
One of the dictionary definitions (the one that I felt applied best) of "to" is: "used as a function word to indicate movement or an action or condition suggestive of movement toward a place, person, or thing reached"
One of the dictionary definitions (the one that I felt applied best) of "with" is: "used as a function word to indicate combination, accompaniment, presence, or addition"
Keeping that in mind think about the statement, "I'll speak with you." I'm now being included. Isn't that one of the greatest human desires to be included?! When it was said to me it made me feel that I and what I had to say was just as important to him as himself or what he has to say. It is something that I haven't felt from a lot of people in my life.
I am just really impressed that a single word could technically change the meaning of a sentence to make it more respectful, more inclusive, and more friendly. I am even more impressed that people actually have another person's feelings (whether consciously or unconscious) in mind while saying something so simple as "I'll speak with you."
The one that really has stuck out though is whenever he talks about calling me or me calling him he always says "I'll speak with you..." Usually that wouldn't give anyone pause, but as we all know I'm a very unique individual. On the way home from dropping him off after dancing at Atomic I realized why I kept thinking about it!
I have always said/heard "I'll talk to you..." This is a one direction statement. It is the same as a note from high school, you write "TO:" and "From:" because in a note the person can't immediately reply to the person the note is from in the same form of the language. OR when you give a birthday present TO a person.
One of the dictionary definitions (the one that I felt applied best) of "to" is: "used as a function word to indicate movement or an action or condition suggestive of movement toward a place, person, or thing reached"
One of the dictionary definitions (the one that I felt applied best) of "with" is: "used as a function word to indicate combination, accompaniment, presence, or addition"
Keeping that in mind think about the statement, "I'll speak with you." I'm now being included. Isn't that one of the greatest human desires to be included?! When it was said to me it made me feel that I and what I had to say was just as important to him as himself or what he has to say. It is something that I haven't felt from a lot of people in my life.
I am just really impressed that a single word could technically change the meaning of a sentence to make it more respectful, more inclusive, and more friendly. I am even more impressed that people actually have another person's feelings (whether consciously or unconscious) in mind while saying something so simple as "I'll speak with you."
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
The Secret to Happiness
The other day I went over to my grandmother's house to drop off money and to check on her, you know, make sure everything is going alright. As we were talking she said to me "you're a lot happier now than you were when you first moved back from Utah."
This caused me to stop and think. I had a ton of thoughts/questions running through my mind. First, am I really happier, or is it just her perception? How can she tell that I'm happier? Why am I happier? How do I continue to be happy? How can I make myself even happier than I already am?!
I had to cut my visit with my grandma short because I had to get to work. The whole night at work I was racking my brain trying to answer all of these questions. I had a couple epiphanies!
First I realized I truly was happier. Dare I say the happiest I've been in my life (maybe just a very long time, but it feels like life). I don't know how my grandma was able to tell, but I'd like to think that it was because I was smiling from ear to ear.
Now we get down to the really important answers that I have yet to fully answer. Why am I happier? Well there are a few possibilities. So far I've attributed it mainly to dancing. I am not saying dancing wasn't awesome in Utah, but now I get to do it almost everyday and more opportunities are opening to me. Also because of dancing I am meeting amazing people that are helping me realize so many different things in many different facets of my life.
I also attribute my happiness to the sunshine. I have more time out in the sun here than I did when I was in Utah. I absolutely love it! It makes me happy (and tan, that's just an added bonus).
My conclusion? If you want to be extremely happy you should dance! I mean it seems to be the cure all for me!
This caused me to stop and think. I had a ton of thoughts/questions running through my mind. First, am I really happier, or is it just her perception? How can she tell that I'm happier? Why am I happier? How do I continue to be happy? How can I make myself even happier than I already am?!
I had to cut my visit with my grandma short because I had to get to work. The whole night at work I was racking my brain trying to answer all of these questions. I had a couple epiphanies!
First I realized I truly was happier. Dare I say the happiest I've been in my life (maybe just a very long time, but it feels like life). I don't know how my grandma was able to tell, but I'd like to think that it was because I was smiling from ear to ear.
Now we get down to the really important answers that I have yet to fully answer. Why am I happier? Well there are a few possibilities. So far I've attributed it mainly to dancing. I am not saying dancing wasn't awesome in Utah, but now I get to do it almost everyday and more opportunities are opening to me. Also because of dancing I am meeting amazing people that are helping me realize so many different things in many different facets of my life.
I also attribute my happiness to the sunshine. I have more time out in the sun here than I did when I was in Utah. I absolutely love it! It makes me happy (and tan, that's just an added bonus).
My conclusion? If you want to be extremely happy you should dance! I mean it seems to be the cure all for me!
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