Karenvizzy

Cry me a River

2010-08-04T05:43:00.001-07:00

This last weekend was Camp Hollywood. I had been looking forward to this weekend all year!! I was super stoked about it! Everything went really well. Morgan and I competed in Shag and Shaheed and I competed in the Amateur Lindy division. We placed 4th in the Lindy competition. If any of you follow my twitter account you would have noticed that I was SUPER upset Sunday night. I believe the tweet was that I had just had the worst experience of my life.

At any rate, I seriously did have the WORST experience of my life!! One of my really good friends (who happened to.be someone whose opinion I hold very high) was the meanest anyone has ever been to me. I went from wanting to choreograph routines, wanting to get a team (or two) together, and work on my dancing for competitions... to not even wanting to think about dancing ever again!

This person told me that my dancing has gotten way worse since I moved away and that people were talking about how bad it had gotten. This person then proceeded to tell me that they were down to work with me and be partners, but now I don't have my things in order, my dancing isn't on the level, and that they don't want to work together anymore.

I stood there speechless trying to blink back the tears. I mean having someone you are good friends with come and tell you that you suck at what you've dedicated the last 7 years of your life to... not only that you suck, but that you used to be good, but now you've become bad at it. I felt so small and worthless.

I didn't even dance once that night at Camp Hollywood. It was the last night of the event I had been looking forward to for 7 months, my last chance to say goodbye to people before we all went our separate ways, but instead of dancing and having a good night I sat on a couch in a hallway at the LAX Marriott with Dabney balling my eyes out. Even thinking about it now is making me tear up.

It was awful and I hated every minute of the whole experience. No one should ever have to go through that... EVER! I have never experienced a 180 before that moment and I haven't really been able to shake the desire to quit dancing all together.

I love dancing, and I know it is silly to base my feelings, desires, and ideas off of someone else's opinion, but there are some things in life I just can't help... and this is one of them.

Call Me Crazy!

2010-07-22T16:33:00.000-07:00

Yeah, yeah , yeah... what's new? Everyone calls me crazy all the time... this isn't anything out of the ordinary... so why am I posting?! Well, other than giving the world another beautiful bit of my brain to read for their pleasure (or torture... however you look at it), I have come to this forum to express an opinion.

I have always been of the opinion that everyone should put in their fair share of work. Mind you I'm not saying that delegation isn't a wonderful thing. I mean although you may be delegating your workload... you're still doing work by delegating. Delegating is probably the hardest part of doing anything!! So kudos to all delegators! I'm talking about selling yourself... and no, I'm not talkin' prostitution.

Any small business that a person is starting has to promote themselves. Thanks to the WORLD WIDE WEB promoting one's self has become even easier!

(I had typed the "background" section and deleted it then retyped and deleted it about 5 or 6 times now. SO... I'm just going to cut to the chase without any back story.)

I don't feel I should promote or try to get people to use your services if you are clearly not doing anything to promote yourself. Also I'm not going to promote you if you use the same name as something else in the area (meaning not area specific things IE not "_____ on Main" or "Sun devil _____" Or "Valley _______").

You know how McDonalds says price and participation may vary.... well having the same name would be like being a McDonalds franchise and not participating in anything, your mascot would be Hippy the Hippo and you'd serve spaghetti.

At any rate... I have found some people want something for nothing. Too bad they aren't going to get it from me.

Ok... /crazy-b****-rant

Teaching

2010-07-10T04:20:00.000-07:00

As most of you know since moving out to Phoenix I've started teaching and actually being a part of the whole "behind the scenes" business that has to happen to make the dances, lessons, etc. work. It has been an amazing experience! I have learned some pretty interesting things as a result and am still learning!

Not everyone will understand what you are saying... Therefore I need to be able to explain things in a bunch of different ways. I haven't always been the best at this. In the past few years after being put into different teaching situations I have learned how to explain things differently.

I pay attention to detail more while I'm dancing. I want to be able to explain every little detail I feel/see/know when I'm teaching something. And I'm most likely going to teach something I already do it actually helps to pay attention to every single dance I have... even the dances with the newbies... probably even more so with the newbies.

I have learned how not to teach... well partly how not to teach. I still need work on that one. I have gone to beginning/intermediate lessons and watched those and participated because I want to see different teaching styles and I want to make a well rounded decision on what works and what doesn't. I think that's a pretty good route to go.

I do still need a ton of improvement as a teacher. If any teachers out there... whether you a teacher of dancing or not... if you have any wise old wisdom to impart on a grasshopper I will gladly accept!

Updated

2010-07-10T03:31:00.000-07:00

I am not the greatest blog poster... or twitter-er... especially when I'm actually having a blast and am loving what I'm doing. Blogging and twitter are mainly for the hum drum boring moments in my day, which are few and far between.

Well What am I up to out here in the "valley of the sun"? Well here it goes!

The job I initially moved out here for has had a few set backs due to mail not getting to me in time. BUT I have the opportunity to turn it around and start the hiring process again. So I will be getting back on track with it and make sure it goes through this time.

I worked at a call center for 2 days... it was a means to an end job... just to get some fund-age, but ended up being the shadiest company I've ever seen. So with that knowledge I left my second day in the office regretting the possibility that I may come back for a 3rd day. When my alarm went off on the 3rd day at 5:30am I decided that I couldn't work for a company that wouldn't even tell it's own employees where their funding came from. Especially when I got in trouble the day before for telling someone too much information, in all reality I didn't tell them any information at all. They still had a TON of questions regarding the company and our "services" BUT I was told that I couldn't answer any of them. Weird, huh?!

SO in the mean time I've only been working as a professional dancer with Dabs, while submitting applications and resumes at different places. I've actually loved being a dance instructor. I think I'll write another blog post about being an instructor and all that goes with it... just a heads up. I mean although it is 3 in the morning I'm not tired at all!

I live with two dogs, Basie and Jane. They are about the cutest dogs ever. Super nice and friendly and oh boy do they love to cuddle Oh and they love to lick. Basie will try to lick whatever he can get his tongue on. Jane on the other hand will only "go for the gold," she will only lick at your mouth or eyes or ears. What I love about them is they aren't the annoying type of dogs that come in and wake you up when you're sleeping just because they are up and want to play. They wait until you are up to start annoying you. ;)

Dabs and I are doing great! We definitely make a great team! It's awesome and there is no one in the world I'd rather be a team with. Except maybe Darkwing Duck... *heavy sigh* if only he were real... Then Dabs might have to worry. lol. Dabs and I have been teaching together and running the dances together recently and it's been loads of fun! I am starting to get more involved in things which is really awesome because I totally want to get more involved and set things in motion. I have an amazing drive and goals and I am finally starting to see some of them play out. We'll see what ends up happening! It's exciting to think about!

It rained here tonight... which for people that have normal cars is not a big deal... But my car is not normal. As soon as I realized that it was rain outside I was hearing I ran outside and tried to get everything that could get ruined by the rain over to the other side of my car. See on the passenger side of my car the doors don't shut all the way... and rain, pine needles, pieces of trash enter my car undetected. Making rain a bit of an issue for my car. This experience has probably been the most stressful one since moving out here... Making it noteworthy.

Well as far as that goes I think I'm pretty much done with the little mini update on my life. I know for a MINI update it's pretty long... but hey it could be longer! ciao!

No Prevaricating Here

2010-06-13T10:13:00.001-07:00

I started this post about a month ago and never finished it. Lol.

There's no use prevaricating around the bush... I am happy and in love. I never really thought that it could ever truly happen after my first real heart break. Because of that thinking I made some pretty dumb choices, which have hurt myself and others in the process... always fun. NOT! (yes that was a throw back to the 90's!)

I have been in Arizona for a month and a half and have spent everyday with Dabs... I can seriously say that I am more in love with him now than I was when I moved out here!

It's amazing the end!

Announcement!!! It's a Girl!

2010-04-19T23:13:00.000-07:00

Okay... I admit it... I'm not pregnant, but I bet it grabbed your attention right?!

Although the "it's a girl" part is incorrect I do have a pretty big announcement to make. You ready?!

I'm saying, "peace out, LA! I'm outta here!"

Where am I going you ask? Well it's elementary, my dear Watson. Phoenix, of course! I recently have been cleared to work with Autistic children with a company called H.O.P.E. Group AZ. The company provides respite and rehabilitation care for Autistic individuals in Arizona. Since that's what I want to do with myself as a career I thought I might as well get a head start in the field!

When is this big move going to happen?? May 1st! BUT depending on certain work situations I may decide to bump it up to April 30th... if everything works out. It's super close and I'm getting super excited!

I can't wait to start a new chapter in my life! I'm super scared and nervous about being in a completely different place, starting a new job, and trying to figure everything out (again)... BUT I'm so glad that I'll have the support of all my family and friends out there! I can't help but feel that this is a step in the right direction, whatever that direction might end up being!

Accidental Agony

2010-04-19T22:52:00.000-07:00

Friends are one of the most important groups in my life. Without my friends I would only be a shell of the person I am today. Friends have been the ones that have helped me through the roughest and the happiest times in my life . I love my friends dearly and want nothing to ever hurt them or harm them in any way, shape, or form.

I know that thinking nothing would ever hurt or harm my friends is wishful, so I don't ever think that. I at least thought that I would be the last one to cause them the heart ache or the pain.

Recently a really close friend of mine and I have drifted apart. Not because of anything anyone intentionally did, but it happened nonetheless. We were both living life with our own little internal struggles. Well when I shared, what I thought to be, a happy announcement it tore this friend apart. There was no personal attack involved or backstabbing or anything to that affect. It was completely different than any other situation I had dealt with before. This friend told me they needed space and so I have respected that and given them space.

In the process of giving this friend space I'm beginning to feel the loss of a true friend and am beginning to realize what heart ache I have caused. It makes me sad to think that I could have done that. It was no fault of my own, I am just doing what I feel is best for me.

In the end I know we all "gotta do what we gotta do," and if that means space or time apart or not even being friends anymore I will have to deal. I just wish it hurt a little less.

The Little Things

2010-04-18T23:49:00.000-07:00

You may or may not have noticed that I tend to be pretty easy to please. I mean I don't require much... typically I go with the flow and am okay and content with whatever the outcome.

Last night I was at my friend's birthday party. It was an interesting situation. I knew everyone there, but I didn't KNOW anyone there. I am not a part of the "normal/regular group" of friends that always hang out together. Which in the beginning of the party didn't prove to be a big deal, but towards the middle/end I was separated and left pretty much by myself by the fire pit.

Now most people would probably feel super awkward and want to peace out of the joint immediately, because I mean who wants to be left to themselves by the fire pit? Well normally I would be one of those people... BUT I was provided with a metal skewer and marshmallows. I was seriously one of the happiest people on the planet at that moment in time! Now the question becomes who would want to leave a situation that makes you super happy?! A crazy person that's who!

Point of the story? I'm easily pleased and entertained and you pretty much don't have to worry about me TOO much. And that in and of itself makes me happy. I like not being high maintenance.

What I'm working on now is the balance of not being high maintenance and requiring some... A very valid point was brought up to me that being so low maintenance actually makes you high maintenance. Which at first didn't make sense to me at all. After thinking about it quite thoroughly and extensively on one of the many road trips I've taken recently it makes sense. Being SO TOTALLY "go with the flow" puts pressure on others and indirectly messes with the flow and creates an un-needed stress on said person... making me high maintenance. Weird how it works like that sometimes.

Tumbling "Oh's"

2010-04-16T01:00:00.001-07:00

I just found this essay that I wrote for my English 101 class years ago! It's a hilarious story that happened in seminary my freshman year of high school. So I thought I'd share! Some of you may remember this instance, mind you I changed some of it just for the purpose of the assignment. Hope you like it!

"The Tumbling Oh's"

It was the best day of the week, Friday; it was game day in seminary! I got there early to set up my table. I go into the dark empty room. I could smell the usual aroma of dust and morning dew. In the darkness I could faintly see the outline of the tables, set up in the ordinary fashion, two parallel to each other on one side and two parallel to each other on the other side. I put my had against the course bumpy wall searching to find the light switch. I knew I had found it when I felt the painful shock of touching the switch's metal. I turned on the lights. Their brightness stung my eyes for a minute. I took out my group's scripture bin from the gray metal closet close to the entrance and placed it carefully on the back left table. It was my turn to take out our group's scriptures and place them neatly on our table. I put every book in its own place. I placed the perfectly square purple bin under the table out of sight. With nothing left to do I reluctantly take my seat. Suddenly the teacher runs in, out of breath, the brown haired stout teacher threw her materials on the table. Her presence was always known when she entered into the room, because her perfume was so powerful. It was as if you could know when she was walking into the opposite side of the church building. Surprised by my early arrival the teacher greeted, "Hi Karen! You're early!"

"I thought I'd get a head start"
"Since you're ahead of me can you help me set up?" Her voice had desperation; she knew she was too late to do everything her self. Her eyes were big and blood shotand they had big black bags under them.

I couldn't help but to enthusiastically say, "Sure!"

"How about you take these cards and put five on each desk. That'll help me out a lot!" I took the laminated yellow cards and counted out five for each table. In big Florescent letters at the top of the cards it said, "SCRIPTURE BINGO." I was curious how the game was going to be played, I had played bingo before, but never scripture bingo.

After I was done she had me put a large amount of cereal "Oh's" (they're similar to cheerios, but instead of being a hollow "O" they have little kernels in the center; they aren't very easy to stack and get sticky if you hold them in your hand for too long) on each table. The most gorgeous guy, Joshua, was the first to walk in. I had a crush on him since the beginning of the year. His light brown eyes sparkled in the light, his blond hair was course and curly, and his teeth were perfectly straight and white. I had never said anything to him before. Finally, after much debate, I decided to say, "Hi!"

"Hey!" he replied smoothly. Soon the other students started to come in two or three at a time. Everyone was getting settled, while the teacher was making final preparations for the game.

Finally everyone was ready to begin class. "I see everyone has taken out their scriptures, the first thing we need to do is pick them up and stand at the back of the classroom." The teacher then informed us we were going to be changing seats. The teacher called out names pointing to the table you were supposed to sit at. "Karen, Joshua, David, and Stacey. Sit here please." My heart stopped when Joshua's name was called. I was finally going to sit near the "love of my life"! It was one of the best days on my life! While the others in the class were getting their new seating assignments David and Joshua decided to see who could stack the "Oh's" the highest. Stacey claimed, "it will be funny if you knock over Josh's 'Oh's.'" I decided to "accidentally" kick the leg of the table. Joshua's face turned bright red, his fists clamped so tight that his knuckles were white; he turned his head to look directly at me. His eyes seemed to look right into my soul. They were intense and focused. His eyebrows furrowed, meeting at the middle of his bridge. He stood up lifted his right fist and slammed it down on the table. The pound of his fist was so hard I felt it through the floor. The "oh's" and cards all flew off the table and crashed down. At the top of his lungs he screamed, "Who do you think you are?!"My heart was pounding, my heands were sweating. I was ready to run away if I had to. I was scared, I didn't know what he was going to do or say. All I could think was, "How can I be SO STUPID?! Now he's never going to like me!!!" Everyone in the classroom looked over at us.

Timidly, I apologized, "I-I-I.... I'm sorry." Joshua shook his head sat down and began to reconstruct his tower of "Oh's". Everyone continued looking at me; I felt my face starting to get hot. I felt my stomach start to gurgle up the pop-tart I had eaten 15 minutes earlier. I slipped down into my chair not making eye contact with anyone. A minute passes and students went back to rearranging their seats. I leaned over to Joshua and assured him, " I really am sorry. I didn't know you were going to get so mad." He looked at me, smiled a crooked smile and started to quietly laugh. "I'm sorry I got so worked up. I didn't mean to scare you." I let out a sigh of relief; I felt that I had gotten a new start. The awkward silence was ended when the teacher had finished rearranging the class and dismissed us. We put out scriptures into out Perfectly square purple bin and put it back into the closet. We never did get to play Scripture Bingo that day.

Dates!

2010-03-12T23:37:00.000-08:00

Whatever happened to dates?! That's what I want to know! Whatever happened to a boy going up to a girl and asking her if she would like to go to dinner and a movie Friday night or mini-golfing on Saturday or if she'd be your date to a dance (like the Bayside Ball)?? Nowadays it's all about hanging out.

NEWS FLASH Hanging out is NOT a date! Hanging out is what you do with your friends on a night you don't have a date.

I have been on only a handful of dates in my life. I want to experience those date jitters again!! I've had them a few times! The first experience was with the first date I had ever gone on. I asked him out and we went and played croquette in the park. I was super nervous and had butterflies in my stomach! He even held my hand at the end of the night! (OK I was 16! That's a big deal!!!)

Basically, I think that we all fall back on hanging out way more than we should. Dates are fun... or at least they can be.

Hitting Home

2010-03-12T03:26:00.000-08:00

Tonight after I got out of class and was on my way to Lindygroove I decided to listen to the Plain White T's. After all I hadn't really had a good PWT's rock out session for a while and I thought I was just about due for another.

Well as soon as I started listening to them I thought, "whoa... I know how that feels!" Then that continued for the next six or seven songs... So I decided that when I got home from LG I would go onto blip.fm and "DJ" them to my "station (this link will take you to my station)." Now I didn't write on my station why I could relate to them or anything... which brings in this blog post! Here's where I'm going to expand on the reasons these songs hit me tonight... some harder than others.

1. Tearin' Us Apart - (lyrics) - I was that girl that he was talking to on the phone. I dated a guy once who was "totally into me" then he high school crush moved back... He went along like everything was normal, but then all of a sudden said he wasn't into me anymore... needless to say I found out the whole situation and this song fits his point of view perfectly.

2. Friends Don't Let Friends Dial Drunk - (lyrics) - I have a habit of falling for people that say one thing, but can't back it up with their actions. It's one of my biggest pet peeves, but old habits die hard I guess.

3. Hey There Delilah - (lyrics) - This song was dedicated to me by a boyfriend who lived in another state years ago. Every time I hear it I think of him and how he told me how the song made him think of me every time he heard it on the radio (it was just starting to get popular). Depending on the emotional state I'm in... I may shed a tear or two when I hear it. I'm proud to say that shedding a tear is becoming less and less frequent.

4. You & Me - (lyrics) - This song just makes me think of my most recent love adventures. I'm not saying they are exactly like this, but I've gotten pretty lucky and it's been so great because the last few guys I've dated have seemed to balance me really well and I for them... Which I feel is part of making a good you & me!

5. Come Back to Me - (lyrics) "If you come running back to me I'll be here waiting. Cause I still believe in a love worth saving . If you could see the sad look on my face. You'd be in your car headed back to my place" After my most detrimental break up this was the song that was my theme song. If that guy came back to me after breaking my heart SOOO bad and after all of that pain and hurt he caused I would still have taken him back in a heart beat. My love wasn't fading and I thought it was worth saving. I actually felt this way until almost a year after the break up... maybe even longer.

6. Write You a Song - (lyrics) "I don't know how to make lots of money. I got debts that I'm trying to pay. I can't buy you nice things, like big diamond rings. But that don't mean much anyway...I will write you a song. That's how you'll know that my love is still strong. I will write you a song. And you'll know from this song that I just can't go on without you" This song is an interesting one... I can go a couple directions with it. BUT what it really comes down to is I don't need all the fancy things people think they want/need. I try to be low maintenance and pay for most of my own way and try to pick up the tab in most situations. I just feel money is not important. I don't have to be with a person that can support me so much that I don't have to work or anything. I'd go stir crazy anyway. For those of you that know me, or at least see my Facebook or Twitter posts, know that I always have to be going, going, going! I think people perceive me different than this sometimes, though. I don't know why.

*LAST ONE*

7. 1,2,3,4 - (lyrics) - Sometimes you just find a person that you feel is too good for you on so many levels. I've found a couple. They were/are there to help me through the tough times and through the awesome times. They haven't been fair weather friends like so many people I know. I know the song is definitely talking about a romantic relationship, and I was talking about friendship... but most of those people that I was talking about were or are romantic interests. So I guess it works right?

At any rate... there's a little insight for you into my song choice. Oh and if I specifically go through my ipod to look for a song it usually has a meaning behind it. I always play songs that are fitting the situation; whether it is how I feel at the moment, what's happening, or how I *wish* I felt at the moment.

Forgotten

2010-02-24T00:08:00.000-08:00

Until recently I had forgotten just how much heart break hurt.

I had done a dang good job of keeping my walls and guard up ever since my last heart break. In my mind that was the safest and easiest way to prevent any further damage. Finally, after much deliberation, I had started to let my walls crack and fall down for certain individuals.

I am not talking about telling people about personal experiences and such. I do that all the time, I'm one of the most open people when it comes to things like that. I mean that I let a person see me cry... I never do that. That is the most precious and vulnerable moment of my life I can let any person see. I was able to connect with people on levels that I had never been able to with anyone else in my life. It was a fantastic feeling and I loved every minute of it.

Maybe it was all too good to be true... I recently found out that I was lead to believe things that weren't true. It broke my heart. Dare I say, even worse than the last time.

I'm not mad or angry nor do i have any feelings of angst. I'm just hurt. I want it to go back to the way it was. Which is weird, I know. Growing up this was one of those things I was always sure about. I always thought I'd walk away from the situation and never look back. Boy was I wrong! That's the last thing I want. Call me crazy, but I don't care. It is the only thing I can think about right now.

I don't think I've ever felt so empty. I have been in a place where I haven't been able to eat or sleep much, but never like this. I know it will all work out and the hurt will go away... always does.

"Things usually work out in the end." "What if they don't?" "That just means you haven't come to the end yet."
-Jeannette Walls (The Glass Castle)

"There is no future. There is no past. I live this moment as my last. There's only us. There's only this. Forget regret. Or life is yours to miss"
-RENT The Musical

In a Different Way

2010-02-02T22:41:00.000-08:00

Recently I've been thinking a lot... I know, I know... I always do that before a blog post (I didn't say this was going to be different than any other time).

I have been sitting here trying to come up with a good introduction to this post, but I couldn't come up with one... SO Just know this thought came while I was in the shower... where most of my awesome life changing thoughts come!

I am very much of the opinion there will always be the one person you will always love. I'm not talking about the person you end up spending the rest of your life with, because hopefully you will always love them. I'm talking about the one you will always love in a "I fell in love with them, we went our separate ways, and I still love them, but in a different way" way. (I just confused myself a bit trying to explain it!)

BUT if you followed that....

I have experienced this with, what I call, my first true love. I still love him to this day! He broke my heart time and time again, but still I literally couldn't stop loving him!! Sometimes you can't choose who you love, apparently.

We've both moved on with our lives and don't really talk anymore, but he's one of those guys I will always have a strong connection to no matter how long it has been since we last talked. We've shared so many different life experiences, he put his arm around me when I cried, he let me make some awful meals for him and ate them only teasing me a little, he helped me with my homework, taught me how to play video games... Most of all he gave me the opportunity to really love someone and loved me in return, for however brief it was I would never trade that experience for the world! I mean the line in Moulin Rouge is "the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return" and when has Hollywood steered us wrong?! (I'm kidding! But really it's a great fundamental!)

Now I'm not saying that I love him the same way I did when we were together. Part of love is letting go and wanting the other person to be truly happy. So that's what I did, I let go.

The love I have for him is different now, but very much still there. It's an interesting thing to think about.

New Year!!

2010-01-05T23:26:00.000-08:00

New Years come and go and every time we all get into this habit of making New Years Resolutions. Well last year I made some resolutions and I have to say I feel I did really well with them!! I mean I traveled a LOT more I went out of the country learned new things lost weight!

It was all just a fantastic experience! Well of course there were some goals that were less than fully met... either because I really stepped back and said "WHOA!! WTF was I thinking?!" or because other things happened and goals had to be put on the back burner.

Well this year I've decided not necessarily to make New Years Resolutions, but more of a check list of things I want to do this year! I have a few in mind already, but I still want to come up with more!

I know the suspense is going to be awful, but I'm sure y'all can hold it together and wait just a tid bit longer!!

Out

2009-12-20T03:46:00.000-08:00

The other day I was driving and I was going through scenarios of current life situations that I am dealing with and I thought to myself... maybe I should give this person "an out".

Now when I say an out I mean a way to break whatever contract this individual and I had. Keep in mind, this particular situation had to do with more of an emotional aspect than monetary aspect of life.

I'm sitting there in my car thinking maybe I should give this person "an out" let them move on and forget everything. After all it would probably be easier that way. So I thought alright I'll talk to this person and see what they want to do about it.

Then the thought hit me... what if this person opts to take the out?! I didn't want that! That was the last thing I would want to happen!

Now to protect my wants and desires, I've decided not to bring up said "out". There is no way I'm going to try to do anything to possibly loose this individual in my life.

I know it's probably selfish, but I actually don't care at the moment. For once I know what I want and that's pretty important to go after, is it not?

Cowardice

2009-12-18T01:18:00.000-08:00

Tonight was a fantastic night! I got to have dinner with one of my dear friends (Nick Peterson), who I always have a great time and wonderful conversations with and can't wait to see again on Saturday, and I got to dance with some of my favorite leads! Which let's face it, is all I need for a good night!

Even though tonight was overall a great and fabulous night there is something I need to say...

One thing that happened tonight that wasn't so fantastic is I realized that some people are just plain cowards. There is someone who hasn't been very friendly to me for the past little while. Not that I really care too much, unless it comes to the point where you're trying to make me look like a fool in front of other people. Well tonight as I was walking away from the dance venue this individual said (in a very condescending tone that screamed "I'm going to make you look bad right now")"Bye Karen!" I said an unenthusiastic bye and threw my normal peace sign and he replied "Merry Christmas!" In the same condescending tone.

Now normally I wouldn't think twice about it, I would just move on and say whatever. This time is different. Don't try to make a fool out of me to make yourself feel better about your shattered ego, buddy. You had all night to say hi, but you didn't because you're a coward and you knew if you said hi to me the way you did as you were getting driven away I would have b**** slapped you.

Never know what to say

2009-12-15T21:20:00.001-08:00

A while ago I had a friend come to me with a problem. They wanted my help, but they didn't want my help at the same time. It got frustrating. To the point where I felt the urge to write something. At the time I wasn't near a computer or paper so I typed it in my phone. I haven't done anything with it until now, obviously.

It's not some great piece of literary genius, but I like it. It's raw and it truly is just what I was feeling. I didn't sit there and edit it or try to make it better, I just left it. So here you go!

I never know what to say.
Whenever I do say something it always seems wrong.
I hate being pushed away.
And every time I speak that's what happens.
I don't know what to do.
Do I keep quiet and hope that doesn't hurt?
Or do I try to unsuccessfully comfort you and feel like I'm being exiled?
-Karen Vizzard (December,2009)

Nodding and Smiling

2009-12-15T21:03:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been in a situation where people are talking about personal experiences and you just have to nod and smile because you've never experienced it personally??

Well that happens to me quite a lot. For someone who traveled to the other side of the world on a whim I haven't experienced much here at home. I mean I've lived in LA for 19 years of my life and had never REALLY been to downtown LA until this last year (Thanks Marshall)!

Well recently I was talking to a great guy. We were talking about how we love the outdoors and stars and such. He started talking about how shooting stars, saying how great they were. Well there I was just nodding and smiling because I had never really seen a shooting star. Then he asked me if I agreed and I had to confess that I had no idea!

I swear he's going to have serious jaw problems for the rest of his life, his jaw dropped to the floor! He couldn't believe that I had never seen a shooting star. He brought up all of the overnight road trips I had done, because surely I must have seen one then, right? Wrong.

After the conversation I thought that I should make an extra special effort to look for shooting stars. Since then I've seen one on every long drive (over 2 or 3 hours) that I've taken! On the way back from Phoenix this last Sunday night (12/13/2009) I saw 6!! I was pretty impressed.

I love my friends for the opportunity they give me to learn about new things and have new experiences. Never a dull moment in my life because of you guys and I love it!!

TEARS ON MY PILLOW

2009-12-04T10:52:00.001-08:00

"TEARS ON MY PILLOW
Little Anthony and the Imperials

You don't remember me, but I remember you
't was not so long ago, you broke my heart in two
Tears on my pillow, pain in my heart, caused by you, you

If we could start anew, I wouldn't hesitate
I'd gladly take you back, and tempt the hand of fate
Tears on my pillow, pain in my heart, caused by you,

Love is not a gadget, love is not a toy
When you find the one you love, she'll fill your heart with joy

If we could start anew, I wouldn't hesitate
I'd gladly take you back, and tempt the hands of fate
Tears on my pillow, pain in my heart, caused by you, you
Oh wo wo wo you you
FADE: wo oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh"

When the first guy I really truly loved and I broke up I listened to this song OVER and OVER and OVER again. It said exactly what I was feeling so it felt very appropriate to listen to it. Sad I know, but give me a break!

Well ever since then whenever I feel sad or something I listen to this song! When I first started doing that I would say to myself, "hey you got over that guy you can get over anything." It worked really well as a self affirmation at the time.

Now when I just listened to this song I still thought of that time, where I was heart broken and couldn't eat or sleep or function outside of the minimum that was required of me, and thought "wow that was a terrible time." Then I listen to the words of the song. I thought to myself, "hmmm do I still feel that way?"

I thought long and hard! Do I really want to tempt the hands of fate and start again with this guy?? Ever since this guy and I broke up I thought that I would love to be with him again. I never really questioned that feeling until this morning when I turned this song on!

So after much careful deliberation I have decided that I don't really feel that way anymore. Mind you I still love this guy, I think I always will (he was my first love after all), but I don't want to be with him. Can I just tell you what a great feeling that was to realize?!

I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders! Weird I know because it happened so many years ago. But as I said I had never really taken inventory of my feelings about the subject other than I knew I had felt like that in the beginning and figured I still felt that way.

At any rate just wanted to share!

Time to Laugh

2009-11-24T19:00:00.000-08:00

Recently my friends have been talking about my blog. I'm started to think that people actually like to hear what I have to say sometimes! Which at first started to give me a big head, but I've since calmed down and decided that they just need some entertainment from some outlet other than TV, books, movies, etc. and that I'm the kind of girl that can laugh at herself... which let's face it listening to me tell my most embarrassing moments provides more entertainment than any book, movie, or TV show could ever hope to produce!

Which brings me to my point of this blog! Embarrassing story time! (I have to apologize for those of you reading that have heard this story... I've told it a million times already because I think it's just that funny. I have to share it with everyone that hasn't yet had the chance to hear it.)

On Saturday the 21st of November 2009 I arrived in Melbourne at 10:20 am or so. After I was picked up from the airport the first thing Joel, Kate, James (all Australian swing dancers), and I did was go to a small local Cafe. Since it was 10 am and I hadn't slept much on the 16 hour flight over I was pretty out of it and decided I needed some caffeine to boost my energy level. I look at the menu marquee and saw "Coffee 2.90" I think to myself, "PERFECT!"

The waiter comes over and asks everyone what they want and finally it's my turn. I say, "I'll have a cup of coffee." The waiter pauses a second and then says, "what kind?" My response?? "Ummm... the coffee kind?"

Everyone at the table starts busting at the seams laughing. No one bothered to tell the American that Australia has a bunch of different kinds of coffee. Finally the waiter says "Where are you from?"
"Los Angeles"
"Okay I've got you covered!"

He came back with a DELICIOUS cup of coffee! There began my Australian training!

Mind you I have a LONG way to go, but it's a step in the right direction!

I am having a blast here and can't wait to go out and explore more of the city get to know more people and learn the little catch phrases like "in a tick" or "car park".

Intolerance

2009-09-24T23:44:00.000-07:00

Intolerance
1. The quality or condition of being intolerant; lack of tolerance.
2. Medicine. Extreme sensitivity or allergy to a drug, food, or other substance: lactose intolerance.

I'll let you take a second to guess which one I am talking about... because I'm sure from just reading the title of this post your mind definitely went to one of those two!

Sorry to disappoint, but I am talking about the medical definition. Now I'm sure some of you will stop reading, but that's OK... I won't hold it against you!

I have recently come to the conclusion that I have a slight intolerance to dairy. Every time I eat/drink it I feel sick and I just want to die!

You may be thinking, "Alright Karen. What's the big deal?! TONS of people are lactose intolerant and they deal! WHY are you taking time to write a post about it?!"

See a normal person once they find out they're allergic to something tries to stay away from that certain something, right? Well here is where I prove that I am A-typical! I don't try to stay away from dairy at all!!! Sometimes I will even go out searching for it! Then after having any dairy products I always vow to stay away from dairy forever! Needless to say that doesn't last long... I wake up in the morning craving a milkshake or cheese or yogurt (mostly just milkshakes).

Recently the sickness after eating dairy has been getting worse and worse. I just have to say that I HATE IT!!!!

Last night at Strutter's Ball in Orange County I got so sick that I only danced 5 songs! I never only dance 5 songs even back in the day when my knees hurt like none other!

I had drank a Starbucks Vanilla Frappuccino from 7/11 on the way down to the venue and I wasn't feeling too great before dancing because of this dairy filled drink, but I danced anyway. By the end of the 5th dance I felt like I was going to heave up everything that I had eaten for the week!

Unfortunately, I have difficulty vomiting on my own, so I went to the bathroom and stuck my fingers down my throat (no worries I'm not bulimic and I don't do this on a regular occasion). Anyway, nothing came out, and I still felt like SH** the rest of the night! Right then and there I said, "That's it! I can't take it anymore!! NO MORE DAIRY!!!"

Less than 24 hours later.... I drank some milk - felt like crap after... then I had 1 1/2 slices of pizza - again felt like crap.

Moral of the story?? I am really just dumb. AND I hate dairy, but I love it at the same time! Now if that isn't tolerant intolerance I don't know what is!

Leaving on a Jet Plane

2009-09-24T03:04:00.001-07:00

You know when you get into a mood and you just want to post but you don't have anything to post about?? Well that's me right now! Sooo I'm just gonna talk for a bit!

Yes it's 3 o'clock in the morning... and I'm not sleeping. Like the crazy person that I am for some reason I decide NOW is a good time to post a BLOG.

Well in life, contrary to my normal response of nothing, a lot has been going on. I am currently a full time student, I currently work full time, and on top of that I dance almost every night of the week! Something had to give so I have decided to drop a class which will still leave me with 9 or 10 credits which is a pretty hefty load.

I just had my 21st birthday on August 30th! I went to Vegas and let me tell you, that was a BLAST! The last month has been a good month as far as traveling wise. Out of the last 5 weekends I've only been home one. I have gone to Phoenix three times to visit friends and go to dance events and I went to Vegas once.

The traveling isn't going to stop there!! Next week on Wednesday (September 30, 2009) I am leaving for Montana to go perform/teach at a Jazz Festival and on the way back I am going to spend a few days (October 5, 2009 - October 8, 2009) in Denver since I have always wanted to go and NEVER have! THEN on October 16th I will be up in San Fransisco for a dance competition! After that competition I am planning on chilling and working as much as possible to save up for my AUSTRALIA trip on November 19th!!! After Australia I'm hoping to be able to go back to San Fran (December 4th - 6th) to compete at the Balboa Battle. Then I am HOPING to go to Lindy Focus in Asheville, North Carolina to throw down my and Shaheed's improved showcase!

MAN!!! That made me tired just typing about all of these travels!!! I can't believe how lucky I am to be able to travel all over the world!!

As you can tell I'm super stoked about all of it!

I just can't wait to do more traveling!!!

alright time to /geekingout

Dreamin' a Dream

2009-08-07T02:05:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I decided it would be a good idea to take a nap before I went into work (I had stayed out late the night before and I had woken up fairly early to take my dad to the doctor for the follow up on his cataract surgery). Little did I know it was going to be the worst decision I made of the day!

All was going great! So I strip down to the essentials (my room is the hottest room in the house) and got all settled with my teddy bear in bed. Sleep came quickly and easily. The funny thing is I started dreaming, vividly... the reason I say this is funny is because I can't remember the last time I dreamed while sleeping.

The dream started off with me back in High School on the first day of school. I was running around with my backpack trying to find my homeroom. Finally I find people that know where it is and happen to be in my homeroom class. We all walk to the classroom and wait outside for the teacher to get there. The school day proceeds and the only thing I really remember about it is gym class. I hung out on the blacktop watching all of the jocks warm up... let's face it ladies who wouldn't dream about this?! lol!

At any rate, at the end of the day I got home to find a letter on the table for me. It was an address and a name I didn't recognize at all. I opened it thinking, "uhhhh, WTF?" Well it turned out to be from my biological mother. I read it and the way she was talking to me seemed like she had been writing letter after letter. So I naturally went to my parents and asked them if they knew anything about it. Their response was, "You weren't supposed to find out about that." Eventually they pulled out a huge box of letters that my biological mother had been writing me for 18 years! I called one of my best friends over to read them with me, just for the moral support. I read them and started bawling my eyes out! It had become such an emotional dream that I actually started crying in my sleep! The best friend I had called for support just kept rubbing my back and asking me, "so what are you going to do now?" I couldn't even answer her I just kept crying and crying. It seemed like hours!

I finally woke up to a tear stained face and my makeup all over my pillow case STILL crying!! I was even more tired than I was when I first laid in my bed and now on top of that I had this load of my biological mother on my mind. Is this my subconscious telling me I need to try to find my mother, or is it just some strange dream that every adopted child has?

I have never had a dream like this ever before! I have always had the thoughts of what would it be like to meet my biological parents, I have wondered what they look like, what their personalities are like, etc. Which I feel are pretty normal for an adopted child. This dream just took me for a loop! I didn't know how to deal with it! I went to work and went about the rest of my day as normal, but it just kept bugging me.

In the past I have called LDS Social Services and asked if there was anything I could do to get more information about my biological parents. The answer was a $50 medical history update and I could sign a consent to contact form. Which just means if by chance my biological parents decide to go look in my adoption file they could get my contact info and find me. This never really interested me before since I would have to make the trek all the way down to San Diego, I would have to pay $50 for something a normal (not adopted) child gets for free, and I didn't think the chances of my biological parents actually contacting me were very high.

Today that has changed. I have decided that I'm going to make the 2 hour drive down to San Diego in the next couple of weeks and do it.

Even if nothing comes of it at least I tired, right?! Well I tried short of hiring a P.I.

Australia Bound

2009-07-24T15:05:00.000-07:00

If you follow my Twitter feed or my Facebook statuses you should know by now that I'm going to Melbourne, Australia. You should have also been able to conclude that I'm am absolutely ecstatic about going!

There are many reasons for me to be so dang excited! One is that it will be my first time out of the country. I haven't even had a passport until this month! My family aren't very big travelers. My mom and grandma go to Disneyworld every once and a while (although not since 2007) but that's the extent of the traveling that my immediate family really does. So I grew up thinking that no one went out of the country unless you were rolling in the dough. Now my mentality of it has changed... I mean if I still thought that way I wouldn't even entertain the idea of going out of the country!

I made a New Year's Resolution to go out of the country this year. So I'm actually doing it! When I made the goal I was a bit nervous. I didn't know if I was actually going to be able to pull it off. I mean it's a pretty lofty goal for someone who had recently incurred a lot of bills and such. I decided that if it came down to December and I still hadn't gone anywhere out of the country that I would just drive the 4 or 5 hours to Mexico and call it good and try for somewhere on a different continent next year.

Needless to say I knew I was never going to be satisfied doing it the easy way. So I made a plan. I recently started teaching private dance lessons and group lessons and was gaining revenue from that. After the first couple of privates I taught I decided to save the money I make from teaching, or dancing of any type, and put it specifically toward other dance related events. Well after deciding that I had the bright idea to make my out of country experience and my dance event experience coincide! (Brilliant I know!) Now the only question was where do I go??

Well I came to the conclusion of Australia because 1. a friend of mine (who knew of my goal to go out of the country) kept pushing me to go to Australia, 2. a swing dancing friend of mine that I met here in LA just recently moved to Melbourne, 3. I met a friendly awesome dancer from Melbourne, and 4. I found out (via my 2 previously mentioned swing dancing friends) that Melbourne has a lindy exchange in November.

I would love to go south of the equator where it's starting to warm up as we're starting to cool down up here on the north end of things! Now I know what you're thinking... "Karen you live in Los Angeles! It doesn't get cold in LA!" That's besides the point... it will get cold enough!

In short... I'm super stoked to be going to Melbourne from November 19th (arriving in Melbourne November 21st) to December 3rd!!!

If anyone has any suggestions on what I should do while I'm there let me know! I would love to hear everything you know!

Enemy of the Public

2009-07-06T02:48:00.000-07:00

Maybe you can, or maybe you can't, infer where the title of this post came from... just to make sure we're all on the same page; it is from the movie Public Enemy. I just saw it with my good friend Brendyn. First and foremost let me say that it was amazing! I absolutely LOVED it!

If you are SUPER anal about not giving ANYTHING away about a movie you might want to just skip to the end to read the summary of the blog post (last sentence).

My favorite part of the movie was the love story between John Dillinger and Billie Frechette. John is madly in love with Billie! I, being the hopeless romantic that I am, was captivated and transported to a realm of such devoted, undying, irresistible, unconditional love. It was fan-freaking-tastic!

I felt the bond was SO strong that I actually teared up and had a tear fall down my face. Now if you know me, you'll know that I just don't ever cry*... especially when it comes to movies. It made me long for that kind of relationship!

Not the one where it's just me that into the relationship, or just him that into the relationship, but one where we both are in love to the point of doing anything for each other. It's an easy thing to want in my mind. I mean really; who wouldn't want to always have someone to run to for whatever reason and know they will always be there no matter what?! That's what I hope to have one day!

Johnny Depp was SO great at portraying this chemistry. I know you're probably thinking, "uhh duh Karen, he's an actor he gets paid to make you believe he's in love with people all the time." BUT just because it's their profession, doesn't mean they do it seamlessly. His eyes said it all! If you watch the movie on mute and just look at the way Depp's eyes/face/body language are when he's with her you would get the same impression as you would with the sound on! Now THAT my friends is the hardest thing to do. For instance, Twilight has been deemed a great love story. The movie though didn't do the intense level of love between Bella and Edward justice. Those actors were definitely not as seasoned as Johnny.

AT ANY RATE, point being I love love, I want a connection and kinship one day that is enduring and never ending, and I appreciate actors who bring out the best of the love story!

Hopeless Romance

2009-06-21T23:11:00.000-07:00

Today I was going through the stuff in my closet and I cam a cross a box full of a ton of mementos from when my dad was courting my mom. As I was looking through everything I started getting giddy and I was like a little school girl! I enjoyed it quite thoroughly.

I remember going through this box years ago and ever since then I've remembered a poem that my dad wrote for my mom. I found it again tonight. I'm going to share it now, because I figured I might as well... it's cute!

"It's written in pen, It started with a Kiss...
If you love me, honey, you answer just this!!!

Donna, I love you, So please be true.
Can't you tell by the things I do??

Your heart is like a lump of gold...
It's hard to get and hard to hold!!!

I once had a heart so warm and true,
But now it's gone from me to you!!!

Did you know that the Lord Above
Created you for me to love???

He picked you out from all the rest
Because he knew I'd like you best!!!

When I get to Heaven and see you're not there
I'll write your name on the Golden Stair

For all the angels to know how how much your love really means.

And if you're not there by the judgment day.
I'll know you went the other way!!!

I'll give the angels back their wings
Golden halos and all those things

And Just to prove my love is true
I'll go to hell to be with you."

-Jack Vizzard

I'll speak with you

2009-06-08T00:39:00.000-07:00

I have recently met a very nice swing dancer from Australia. Being that he is from Australia it means he has a different accent and different mannerisms than what I'm used to when it comes to everyday speech. And I, being the observant person that I am, have noticed quite a few of them. For instance it's a car park... not a parking lot.

The one that really has stuck out though is whenever he talks about calling me or me calling him he always says "I'll speak with you..." Usually that wouldn't give anyone pause, but as we all know I'm a very unique individual. On the way home from dropping him off after dancing at Atomic I realized why I kept thinking about it!

I have always said/heard "I'll talk to you..." This is a one direction statement. It is the same as a note from high school, you write "TO:" and "From:" because in a note the person can't immediately reply to the person the note is from in the same form of the language. OR when you give a birthday present TO a person.

One of the dictionary definitions (the one that I felt applied best) of "to" is: "used as a function word to indicate movement or an action or condition suggestive of movement toward a place, person, or thing reached"

One of the dictionary definitions (the one that I felt applied best) of "with" is: "used as a function word to indicate combination, accompaniment, presence, or addition"

Keeping that in mind think about the statement, "I'll speak with you." I'm now being included. Isn't that one of the greatest human desires to be included?! When it was said to me it made me feel that I and what I had to say was just as important to him as himself or what he has to say. It is something that I haven't felt from a lot of people in my life.

I am just really impressed that a single word could technically change the meaning of a sentence to make it more respectful, more inclusive, and more friendly. I am even more impressed that people actually have another person's feelings (whether consciously or unconscious) in mind while saying something so simple as "I'll speak with you."

The Secret to Happiness

2009-05-27T17:16:00.000-07:00

The other day I went over to my grandmother's house to drop off money and to check on her, you know, make sure everything is going alright. As we were talking she said to me "you're a lot happier now than you were when you first moved back from Utah."

This caused me to stop and think. I had a ton of thoughts/questions running through my mind. First, am I really happier, or is it just her perception? How can she tell that I'm happier? Why am I happier? How do I continue to be happy? How can I make myself even happier than I already am?!

I had to cut my visit with my grandma short because I had to get to work. The whole night at work I was racking my brain trying to answer all of these questions. I had a couple epiphanies!

First I realized I truly was happier. Dare I say the happiest I've been in my life (maybe just a very long time, but it feels like life). I don't know how my grandma was able to tell, but I'd like to think that it was because I was smiling from ear to ear.

Now we get down to the really important answers that I have yet to fully answer. Why am I happier? Well there are a few possibilities. So far I've attributed it mainly to dancing. I am not saying dancing wasn't awesome in Utah, but now I get to do it almost everyday and more opportunities are opening to me. Also because of dancing I am meeting amazing people that are helping me realize so many different things in many different facets of my life.

I also attribute my happiness to the sunshine. I have more time out in the sun here than I did when I was in Utah. I absolutely love it! It makes me happy (and tan, that's just an added bonus).

My conclusion? If you want to be extremely happy you should dance! I mean it seems to be the cure all for me!

Resolution Update

2009-04-11T02:30:00.000-07:00

> Get a Passport and go out of the country
> Read at least one book a month
> Eat Better
> Do a full body cleanse at least twice this year
> Exercise more regularly
> Save money
> Travel somewhere I haven't been in the United States
> Dance every chance I get
> Do well in school
> Grow my hair long
> Make more of an effort to be close to my immediate and extended family

Above is the list of New Year's Resolutions I have made. So far I feel I have been successful in a few areas.

> I have not yet bought a passport. I keep saying I'll do it tomorrow.. Trust me tomorrow will come.
>I have kept up on my reading... just barely though! I'm gonna work harder on that one!
>I have started to eat more fruits and vegetables which is awesome (I had cut out sodas, but I fell off the wagon and now I'm gonna start again).
>I have not done a full body cleanse... to tell you the truth I am kind of scared to after reading about them... so I may or may not do that one!
>I have started going dancing a lot more... which doesn't really count as exercise in my book, but it's better than sitting around all day. I am going to start frequenting the gym more often though.
>I saved some money since this was written. Definitely not enough, but I can do a better job at that too!
>I will be traveling to Minneapolis May 1st to the 3rd! Woohoo for being able to completely check one off!
>I have been dancing every chance I get it is awesome how much more I appreciate dance as an art form and as a hobby!
>I haven't been really good about going to class... and I keep saying to myself that I'm gonna do better, but I keep forgetting. So now I have to get my butt in gear!
>HA! my hair is still WAY short!! but that's because of all of the stuff I've done to it!
>Being close to my family is still a work in progress!

Incompleteness in Absence

2009-04-06T01:49:00.000-07:00

I have recently started doing what most people around my age do. Try to find out "who they are." I know a few things about myself, that I have always known, and I've discovered new things that I hadn't really realized before!

One of the things that I realized is how I know I feel love or compassion toward one person. And the following quote describes it. This quote has been on my facebook profile page ever since I signed up for the blasted social networking site. The reason it ended up on there was because I didn't have any quotes to put in my favorite quotes section.

Now you may be thinking well that doesn't make much sense... if you didn't have any quotes how did you get this one? Well my friend the answer consists of 6 letters... GOOGLE! yes I googled Love quotes. This along wih many other came up. I chose a few of the most romantic ones and posted them to my facebook page.

There's the story, but let's get to the meat of this blog post. The quote and what actually going back and reading it has done for me!

Today I begin to understand what love must be, if it exists. When we are parted, we each feel the lack of the other half of ourselves. We are incomplete like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost. That is what I imagine love to be: incompleteness in absence.
-Edmond and Jules de Goncourt

I knew i felt love for people. The question now was how did I know I love people or how can i describe what it is to love someone. I feel this quote did a magnificent job of doing just that!

When I was in love the first time when I was with him I felt that we were two halves of a whole, peas in a pod, those heat friendship medallions fused together... I could go on and on. When that love was lost I felt like incomplete. I felt that a huge part of the puzzle had been taken away.

As a result of that heart break I am kind of scared to admit that I could possibly be falling for someone again. This is what I have been dealing with recently. Nothing different from anyone else. It's just prevalent in my thinking recently, as you can tell.

I was talking to a very dear friend of mine tonight, he helped me realize a few things that I've always believed, but haven't been practicing. One of my favorite Marilyn Monroe quotes says "... If you can't handle me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best..." The same can be said in any type of relationship. If you aren't willing to wait out and work through the bad in a relationship you don't deserve the best that the relationship could be.

I feel this post is kind of all over the place and that maybe I should stop while I'm ahead, if I am even still ahead. The problem is the wheels in my head are still turning. I'm "thinking... a dangerous past time... I know" (whoever can name the movie gets extra points).

Hopefully I will be able to stop the wheels long enough to get some shut eye.

Dancing Bio

2009-04-03T15:06:00.000-07:00

I was sooo excited about this that I just had to post it! Thanks to Morgan Day's creative writing he made what I wrote even better! Here is the final product!

Up-and-coming dancer, Karen Vizzard, first became enamored with Lindy Hop in 2003, when she was introduced to the dance at a Big Bad Voodoo Daddy concert in Santa Monica. Since then, she has dedicated herself to become an exceptional follow, as well as a versatile dancer with experience in Balboa, Collegiate Shag, and Solo and Partnered Charleston. Her competition experience includes, placing 1st in Utah’s 2007 Invitation Lindy Hop Jack & Jill, 2nd Place in the Pure Balboa Division at the 2008 San Francisco Balboa Battle, and 4th place in the Collegiate Shag Division at The National Jitterbug Championship in 2009. While attending school in Utah, Karen was a Lindy Hop instructor at Utah State and the University of Utah, and coached the Swing Team at Brigham Young University. Her other credits include performing with the Hollywood Hotshots, as well as being cast as a dancer in Katy Perry's music video "Thinking of You" and being cast as a principal dancer for the episode “Static” on the TV show “Cold Case.”

A Little Like Tiffany

2009-03-28T16:51:00.000-07:00

For the first time ever I watched Breakfast at Tiffany's. I've been putting it off so long because I wanted to read the book first! Unfortunately, I kept forgetting to start reading the book. Today I said, "Forget it! I'm watching it!"

The first thing I have to say is it was a GREAT movie! I love it! This movie just re-affirmed my love/hate relationship for Audrey Hepburn! I love her because she's gorgeous and talented, I hate her because she's gorgeous and talented!

The reason I'm blogging is not to tell you that this movie is fantastic and that I think everyone should watch it (which I do believe), but there was a quote that was said that really stuck out to me. So much that I actually went and googled the memorable quotes of the movie, found it, and copy/pasted it to my favorite quotes section in Facebook! So here it is...

Quick background: Paul, who is madly in love with Holly, is getting out of cab saying this to her as a result of her wanting to run away to Brazil even after her future President of Brazil dumped her.

"You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, 'Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness.' You call yourself a free spirit, a 'wild thing,' and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself."
-Paul Varjak (Breakfast at Tiffany's)

I just thought to myself, "Wow." I think we can all relate to that in some way. I, for one, think that I'm very close to Holy in the fact that I'm scared of love. I call my self a hopeless romantic, which is true, but I'm scared of falling in love. I always dream of finding the man of my dreams falling in love and living happily ever after. Often times I say, "that's just a dream." I have seen far too many things not to be guarded in some way against the cage that love sometimes brings with it.

I was one that was already in a cage. I wasn't allowing myself to live life to the fullest and take advantage of the things life had to offer me. I had my heart broken and was scared that someone else would do the same. So I used the same excuses. I'm not going to fall for anyone, they're just gonna hold me down, I'm a free spirit, blah blah blah! Luckily I realized love is a part of life, life is a part of love.

Now, I'm not saying I'm in love and I'm not saying that me watching "Breakfast at Tiffany's" was the life changing experience, but it helped me remember what had been going on and what change had happened in my life! It was just pretty neat that I could relate to a movie Audrey Hepburn was in!

Waiting

2009-03-25T18:22:00.000-07:00

I'm sure most of the people that know me know that I am a server. I wait tables at a small family owned business called The Pizza Cookery. I love working there! It is a really nice chill laid back job. I love the people I work with, I love the food, and I love that I actually have a job when so many people don't!

Although I love my job I also HATE it at times! Since it is a small restaurant we have many "regulars" that come in at least once or twice a week. Most of them are friendly and nice, which is great, but there are those that expect just because they eat there once a week you should bend over backwards for them. I mean just short of putting a bib on them and spoon feeding them.

This blog is for all of those out there who go into restaurants and make a server's night a living hell... I'm going to make a list of things most servers hate, so we can all learn from it! (The list may grow as time goes on.) And by all means if you have anything to add say it... I'll most likely put it down on the list!

Most servers hate....

---> When there is a bright pink sign right in front as you walk in that says "Please Wait to be Seated" and you seat yourself, then proceed to get mad when you are not gotten to right away.

---> If a server comes to the table and asks if everything is alright you just sit and stare at him/her.

---> When you see a server is pre-busing your table and his/her hands are full but you decide to keep piling the dishes up on what he/she already has in his/her hands.

---> If a server comes up to your table and asks if you need anything, and you need a refill, you shake your empty glass instead of using your words.

---> When you yell across the restaurant for anything, especially when he/she was just at your table and asked you if you needed anything.

---> When you get GREAT service and you only tip 10%.

---> When you don't leave a tip for good service, and on top of that you make a game out of it and put a smiley face on the tip line of the credit card receipt.

---> When you lower the tip you give because you were not impressed with the food. (The servers didn't make your food for crying out loud!)

---> When it is FREEZING outside and you sit with the front door of the restaurant open for a long time waiting for your slow party behind you.

---> When you just sit there and talk for more than 30 minutes after you finish your meal.

---> If you walk in 10 minutes before the restaurant closes.

---> When you talk down to them as if they don't understand what you're saying. (Most servers are going to school and have more education than most of the rude people that do this.)

---> If you ask for free bread refills 3 or 4 times and all you order is a water and the cheapest thing on the menu.

Ski Adventure!

2009-02-23T08:56:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went Skiing for the second time in my life!

For only my second time I have to say I was really proud of myself for doing so well. I felt I was doing better and in more control by the end of the day. But that was only the end of the day... you may be wondering what happened at the beginning of the day.

First Tim, Sarah, Brian, and I all woke up and had breakfast (some were more awake than others). Next we all got our snow gear on, got the car all loaded up, and went to buy lift passes and ski/snowboard rentals.

On our way up to Solitude I fell asleep. Therefore, I don't remember much of the ride. I'm sure it was a good one though.

We finally get to the mountain! It was a beautiful warm day! we all get our gear on and start heading to the lift. The first run we do is the bunny hill... which was good, because it gave me the chance to refresh my memory and remember how to kind of ski.

Tim and Sarah then decided I was ready for a more advanced run. I was pumped and excited! All 4 of us went got on a different lift and started down. It was good... I fell once and Tim sprayed me with snow as negative reinforcement. :/

The next run all four of us start out together. Half way down the run Brian gets separated from us. we just continue the run hoping to see him down at the bottom. He wasn't there. Tim, Sarah, and I then head back up the lift to the top of the run to see if he went a different way. we get to the spot where the run forks. I look down the steep hill and almost peed my pants. But I figured they're going to make me go down so here we go!

Almost immediately I gain WAY too much speed and loose control. The next thing I know I'm on my knees getting asked my a person right next to me if I'm ok. I didn't even know what was going on. Apparently I spoke just a little too soon when I told that guy that I was fine. My head started POUNDING and my neck hurt. it was a no bueno time. I look up the hill to see Tim and Sarah gathering all of my belongings.

When I say all I mean ALL!! I lost both of my skis, both poles, my hat, and my goggles. Luckily I managed to keep my gloves on. After lunch boy and girls separated, Sarah and I went down to the resort rental shop to borrowed a helmet. It didn't do much good to get that because the rest of the day I was still a big pansy.

After Sarah and I did a few runs ourselves we decided to go back and conquer the hill that I "yard saled" on. And yes that time I got down that hill without any problem and it was amazing!

It was almost 4 and we didn't have enough time for another run so Sarah and I head back to the car to meet the boys. We get there and Tim is the only one there. Brian ended up getting lost and had to hike out... it wasn't very fun for him, but he finally made it to a lodge about a mile down the road from the Solitude resort (if you want to know about that story... you'll have to ask him).

At the end of the day I had an amazing time and want to ski more now! Today my head still hurts and I can't move my neck at all, but I think it was well worth it!

Saturday Night In!

2009-01-24T21:49:00.000-08:00

Yes I'm at home on a saturday night!! It may sound lame, and probably is, but I would just like to say that I don't really care that it is socially weird to stay in on a weekend night.

I mean really what gets better than sitting next to a roaring fire watching "Wallace & Gromit Three Amazing Adventures" and reading 1984?! (That was not a serious question mind you... I know there are plenty of other things that are better options)

I have to admit it is definitely nice though. I'm tired after the whole week of working and dancing. Since Saturdays are my only days off I think I have a bit of a right to stay in and have a nice and quiet night to myself. Don't you agree?

My night has consisted of Facebooking, realizing that I just got Walace and Gromit in the mail today and immediately decided to watch it with a fire going, eating ice cream and now writing a blog about my uneventful night. After I have posted this I'm going to read a bit more of 1984 and then who knows?! Knowing the party animal I'm being tonight I'll probably go to bed! Look at me go!!

Hope everyone enjoyed their Saturday night whatever it was you ended up doing!!

Emotional Wreck!

2009-01-23T22:20:00.000-08:00

There are a TON of things I am feeling/thinking right now! I can not even really begin to describe them all! Although, I can say that all the emotions are building up too much. I am starting to break.

O.K. O.K. Maybe Emotional Wreck is too strong of a title for this post, but that's the best thing I can do to come close to expressing what I'm feeling.

I try to be the happy-go-lucky person all the time. Typically speaking I'm really good at doing it. I mean I'm a server, I have learned how to put on a happy face even though someone is a complete and utter a**, so it's easy.

Mind you I'm not complaining.

I am just getting to the point where I think I need a good cry. Which is amazing for me to say. I absolutely LOATHE crying. It's probably the worst thing I have ever experienced! It makes you tired and you look like crap afterward, and EVERYONE can see your emotions! I am not one to tell people I'm going through a hard time. I have the select few that I talk and share these secrets with (I'm sure you can figure out who you are). Certain life experiences have made me a very guarded person.

This may seem insane to those of you who have talked to me... I don't mind sharing every detail about events or my experiences. I can talk anyone's ear off about myself and what I've been through. BUT I rarely ever talk about how I feel or that I'm in trouble.

At any rate, the point is it is becoming a lot for me to handle and I just needed to get that off of my chest! Now I feel a TON better!

American Sign Language in a Music Video

2009-01-04T12:05:00.000-08:00

Two things that I absolutely love have come together! Sia in her music video for her song "Soon We'll be Found" is signing and singing the song!

At times the signing is hard to see, but the way the signing is used in the video is amazing! what they do with different colors and black lights is inspiring. It makes me want to pursue a few ideas that I have had!

Watch it it's amazing!

(Unfortunately I couldn't find one that had the embedding option)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNqb17aR3Nc

My Walk for Autism!

2009-01-02T08:05:00.000-08:00

What am I doing?
I am participating in a Walk for Autism and I have made a personal goal to raise $300 to donate to finding a cure/raising awareness of Autism!

Why am I doing this?
The reason I am donating my time and effort to this cause isn't because this disorder plagues my own family. It is because I have worked with those with severe autism to those who are very high functioning autistic through out high school. I even taught a little boy in Sunday School at church for a year who is Autistic (Dallin, he is the person the team I joined is in honor of).

Facts:
Autism is the second most common developmental disorder in the United States affecting one in every 150 children born today. Despite some promising discoveries, the cause of autism is unknown and a cure does not exist. Research is crucial. Every 20 minutes another child is diagnosed with autism.

How you can help!
Please join me in my fight to make a difference in the lives of the more than 1 million Americans living with autism today.

Donations are tax deductible to the fullest extent allowed by law.
Autism Speaks 501 (C)(3) Tax Id #: 20-2329938

You can donate by CLICKING HERE.

Or you can copy and paste this link into your browser: http://www.walknowforautism.org/faf/r.asp?t=4&i=288321&u=288321-244270513

BUT Before I Do THAT... I'll Do THIS!

2008-12-31T23:18:00.000-08:00

This morning was an odd morning! All of 2008 I have not gotten a cold or flu, but today I wake up with a sore throat running nose, itchy/watery eyes, etc, etc, etc. I think to myself "Great way to end one year and begin another... SICK!"

So I do what I can, get up drink some hot herbal tea (which really helped the sore throat) put some Zicam up my nose and eventually take a Claritin D that my mother brought to me at work around 2:00 pm.

The whole day at work I am thinking about how miserable I am and how I just CAN"T WAIT to get home to my nice warm bed, maybe read a little and have some hot tea or something and go to sleep.

I have no idea why, but every time I imagine a nice quiet senario I never ever end up doing that!

Today it just happened that my parents had just started "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid." Of course I've never seen it and my dad proceeds to bug me about it until I sit down and finish watching it with them.

The movie is finished! I then decide to read a bit then go to sleep. BUT first I'll check my Facebook... and my email... and twitter... and my myspace... and chat with a friend... and find some cool new music... and WRITE A BLOG!!! (Can you tell which one I'm on right now??)

I always procrastinate my relaxing! I've decided it needs to stop! So right now I'm going to bed. I'm done writing and I'm hitting the sack (after I also post this to my Facebook and make it known on twitter that I wrote this blog)! Wish me luck!

I think I may really need it!

My Music

2008-12-30T23:27:00.000-08:00

Recently (as in the last 3 days) I've been listening to an artist named Sia... who has been involved in the past with the band Zero 7

At any rate she is an amazing talented woman! She used to be part of an Acid jazz group back in the day. Meaning she is a jazz singer turned Pop. I would highly recommend her music to anyone.

My favorite song of hers at the moment is Academia (lyrics below). I have listened to it about 20 times in the last two days! If you have the opportunity check her out. She is amazing! If you want to see someone else's opinion check out my friend's blog! He has posted her music videos for her song Buttons.

academia
Lyrics:

you can be my alphabet and i will be your calculator
and together we'll work out on the escalator
i will time you as you run up the down
and you'll measure my footsteps as i blow through this town
the mean of our heights is divided by the nights
which is times'd by the daggers and the route of all our fights,the pass of your poem is to swathe me in your knowing
and the beauty of the word is that you don't have to show it
oh academia you can't pick me up soothe me with your words when i need your love
i am a dash and you are a dot
when will you see that i am all that you've got
i'm a binary code that you cracked long ago
but to you i'm just a novel that you wish you'd never wrote
i'm greater than x and lesser than y, so why is it that i still can't catch your eye?
you're a cryptic crossword, a song i've never heard
while i sit here drawing circles i'm afraid of being hurt
oh academia you can't pick me up
soothe me with your words when i need your love
you're a difficult equation with a knack for heart evasion
will you listen to my proof or will you add another page on
it appears to me the graph has come and stolen all the laughs
it appears to me the pen has over analysed again
and if i am a number i'm infinity plus one
and if you are five words you are afraid to be the one
and if you are a number you're infinity plus one
and if i am four words then i am needing of your love
oh academia you can't pick me up
soothe me with your words when i need your love
academia repeat x 5

New Year's Resolutions

2008-12-30T23:13:00.000-08:00

Since it is New Year's Day in a couple days I am, as most individuals do this time of year, making some New Years Resolutions.

I put the Wikipedia link in here, just for those who haven't yet made a resolution... because there is a list of most popular new year's goals.

Here is my list of goals so far... Mind you I may decide to add or subtract from this list as time goes on.

> Get a Passport and go out of the country
> Read at least one book a month
> Eat Better
> Do a full body cleanse at least twice this year
> Exercise more regularly
> Save money
> Travel somewhere I haven't been in the United States
> Dance every chance I get
> Do well in school
> Grow my hair long
> Make more of an effort to be close to my immediate and extended family

I'm pretty satisfied with the list at the moment. I am excited for the New Year. It will be a year of no regrets and it will be fantastic!

Future post!

2008-12-06T00:44:00.000-08:00

So after watching a person's VLOG tonight I have decided that one of my soon to come BLOG posts will be in VLOG form.

What does that mean for all of you?! I'm going to use American Sign Language to say what I want to say! You'll get to see me sign! Maybe you'll understand it maybe you won't!

I will put a "translation" in my BLOG so people can kind of follow along or if you're really just interested in what I have to say (although I highly doubt it).

I'm WAY excited! You all should be too! Now I just have to find out what I want to talk about... if you have any suggestions let me know... Or else I'll just end up talking about myself!!

Accepting Viewpoints

2008-11-29T00:16:00.000-08:00

So I know I've been talking a lot about accepting political opinions and such recently... BUT I feel it's very very very important at this time. I promise I'll try to keep this to a minimum in the future.

The Church of Jesus Christ came out with an Article via it's Newsroom responding to the recent passing of proposition 8 in California. Specifically it was titled "Church Responds to Same-Sex Marriage Votes"

The statement that really stuck out to me and to the friend who sent the link to me was...

Before it accepted the invitation to join broad-based coalitions for the amendments, the Church knew that some of its members would choose not to support its position. Voting choices by Latter-day Saints, like all other people, are influenced by their own unique experiences and circumstances. As we move forward from the election, Church members need to be understanding and accepting of each other and work together for a better society.

I have had debates on this very issue and other issues with fellow church members, while I don't always feel that they are looking down on me for my opinions, I do feel that way some of the time.

I actually had someone tell me I was jepordizing my membership in the church because of feeling a certain way on a recent issue. Which I know isn't true... a wise friend once said to me, "once it is a requirement to tell a bishop how I voted, in an election, to enter the temple the church is no longer true."

I feel that we all need to be more accepting of each other. Whether it is inside the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints or outside of it. It is one thing we can do to make this world a better place.

Mixed CDs/Tapes/Playlists

2008-11-27T18:56:00.000-08:00

Ok so I have a confession....

I've always dreamed of getting a mixed CD/tape/playlist from a special someone. Meaning someone I was dating or someone I was interested in. I know that sounds a little cheesy, but I think if you knew how big of a hopeless romantic I am you would understand.

I have not gotten a mixed CD/tape/playlist to this day. After seeing Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist this dream really hit hard. I remember thinking in all of my relationships... "that would be awesome if he would just put all of these songs that he tells me about on a CD for me."

Now I realized that some guys might think, "oh that's lame." Or some guys might think it makes you less masculine. I guess depending on the girl you give it to that could be the case, but I am not one of THOSE girls! I would love it and like you that much more!

At any rate... Mixed CDs/Tapes/Playlists are great and I only hope one day I could be so lucky that someone will find me worthy of one!

Thoughts for Friends

2008-11-22T00:17:00.000-08:00

So I have a problem. Well most people wouldn't say it's a problem, I think most people wish to have something close to my "problem."

So here it is... When I see my friends going through tough times, or when I see them sad I can't help but feel their sadness. I can't help but to want to do everything in my power to just make it all better.

Today has been one of those days that I just wanted to make everything better. It seemed that al around me something was going wrong in one of my friend's lives. I felt completely helpless. Which is not a common feeling for me.

After feeling this way all day I'm here in front of the computer still feeling helpless. Usually I can do something or say something and it helps. I mean if I do something funny and my friend laughs or smiles that makes me feel that maybe, just maybe, I did something that helped them.

Today I didn't get that satisfaction or rather relief. It something that now I know doesn't help only the person that is struggling, but it helps me.

Basically I think I am writing this for all of my friends who are going through a tough time in life. I am constantly thinking about all of you!! I know there might not be a lot I can do or say to make anything better, but believe me I constantly pray for all of you and I am mindful of you. And if there is anything at all I can do let me know and I will do it in a heart beat! Whether it be just listening or the most outrageous thing you can think of... I mean it anything!

I love you all and hope for nothing but joy and happiness for everyone!

Leading by Example (IE politics)

2008-11-20T00:30:00.000-08:00

Over the past little while, well since the election on November 4th, there has been a lot of hate generated over Proposition 8. And I know... no need to tell me I am constantly saying I don't want to hear anything more from either side on the issue. But today I read something that really hurt my feelings and just felt that I needed to write something.

At any rate...

A lot of people have been "blaming" The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (A.K.A. LDS or Mormon) for the passing of proposition 8. Which in and of itself does not bother me. I do believe the church used its influence to try to influence their congregations one way, but I don't believe the church is solely responsible for the passing of Proposition 8 (I mean not 52% of California's population is LDS, but that's a different conversation all together).

Now people are calling all LDS members bigots saying we should be ashamed in what we believe, be ashamed that we belong to a church that could support something like proposition 8.

I in fact am not ashamed to say I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. But I don't enjoy being called a bigot just because of my religion. I want to make it VERY clear I'm not saying I voted for or against prop 8. I'm just trying to make a point.

If I was trying to get someone to see my point the last thing I would want to do is call them a bigot. If we belittling a person's way of thinking he/she will immediately turn us off and not listen. The saying, "kill them with love," I think, applies here. If people were rioting in the street for no on prop 8 and then came and saw a person who voted yes on prop 8 and was nice to that person. The person who voted yes on prop 8 probably wouldn't be so defensive and may actually listen to what you have to say.

Again I want to make it VERY VERY clear that I'm not disclosing in any way, shape, or form that I voted for or against prop 8. I'm just tired of the hate coming from BOTH sides. There is no need for name calling and no need to say any group should be ashamed of themselves.

I consider myself to be a very open minded and accepting person. I mean I have VERY CLOSE friends from EVERY walk of life. I love them all and support them in whatever they do and give them whatever help they need. I don't think that would qualify my as a bigot, or a hater, or a person who interferes with the rights of another person.

I'm Mormon, I'm not a bigot, I don't hate, and I don't discriminate.

Please don't hate or discriminate me because I choose to exercise my constitutional right to practice the religion that is best fitting for me.

5 Minute Attention Span

2008-11-15T23:59:00.000-08:00

I was browsing a Swing dancing forum just a few minutes ago. On the forum there was a thread about politics. I thought "hmmm. This should be interesting."

I open the thread. Automatically I'm turned off! The posts were all SOOO stinking long! I barely skimmed over one or two posts then I called it quits!

At that moment in time I thought about what my speech teacher keeps shoving down our throats. The average American adult only has an attention span of 5 minutes.

That thought led to another thought (as my thoughts usually do).

If the average American adult only has an attention span of 5 minutes maybe that's why different political parties don't get along... we can't listen to each other long enough to understand where the other person is coming from.

We can even bring that out into a wider picture. Maybe that why people in general don't get along. We can't listen to each other for more than 5 minutes!

Just some food for thought... at 12 am.

On a side note, I've decided I'm crazy or otherwise just a kooky person at times.

Learned a new word!

2008-11-13T09:27:00.000-08:00

pos·i·tiv·ism (pz-t-vzm)

... 2. The state or quality of being positive

I found that very interesting... I had never heard of that word before I was revamping my about me section last night! Yay for learning new things!

Dance Events! The Love and the Hate!

2008-11-12T17:28:00.000-08:00

This is a love hate relationship I have going on with lindy exchanges and other events!

I love them because they are amazing and there are SOO many. I love dance events because no matter what I always learn something new! I love dance events because they are SO fun and a good excuse to go see the world! I love these events because I make new friends and see new places!

I hate them because I can't go to all of them, because there are too many! I hate them because they cost money that I don't have (for travel and the actual event). AND I hate them because they leave me wanting more dancing and I can never satisfy the urge!

Basically... swing events are the bane of my exisitence, BUT the marshmallows to my hot chocolate at the same time. Funny how that works out sometimes!

I'm working on my schedule of events for the next year. If you have any that are a MUST GO TO let me know and I'll do my best to work them in!

Voted!

2008-11-04T09:55:00.000-08:00

When I was younger my parents would always take me with them whenever they got the opportunity to vote. They would go off into their little booth and cast their vote. I would wait for them and "cast my own vote" (the people at the polling places would give me a fake ballot and pretend that I was voting too). This instilled a very important value in me. Voting is important.

Today it was finally my turn to truly cast my vote. I went to my local polling station and voted on all the issues that currently face California.

As I was walking down the street I was getting extremely nervous. Thinking, "what if I'm making the wrong decision..." blah blah blah. I mean this is the first presidential election that I have had the opportunity to vote in, therefore making me just a tad nervous.

I finally get to the voting place (that happens to be just a block away from my house)and as I'm walking up the steps there is an old man walking up them as well.

This gentleman turns to me and says, "you look so young! You look like you could be 12! I'm proud of you coming out to vote!"

At that moment in time all of those anxieties went away! I stood up tall and went through the line to check in and get my ballot.

I was the youngest person in the room and it felt great! There was a 93 year old man there who said "I'm 93 years old. They didn't kill me in the 2nd world war, and that's why I'm still here and voting."

It was all just a good experience. At any rate after I was done voting I got my "I Voted!" sticker and went to celebrate by getting donuts.

I'm glad that I have the great privilege to live in such a great country with the opportunity to vote to express myself with the freedom of speech and religion. I encourage all registered voters to go out and vote today. If you are unable to participate in this election for whatever reason I encourage you to do all you can to register and be eligible to vote in any upcoming elections for your area.

I mean if you think about it... if you didn't vote (and technically could have, but you didn't register or just didn't vote) you have no right to complain about what's happening in the economy, with foreign affairs, or anything else really. It was your choice to stand on the sidelines and you'll have to live with that decision.

I hope everyone has a great election day and I'll be glued to the TV at work tonight to see what the outcomes are.

Places I Want to Visit

2008-10-25T14:17:00.000-07:00

Here is a list of places I want to visit (I may have already been to some of these places, but if they're listed I want to go again).

> Seattle, WA
> New York, NY
> Orlando, FL
> Kansas City, KS
> Washington DC
> Paris, France
> London, England
> Stockholm, Sweden
> Minneapolis, MN
> Berlin, Germany
> Rome, Italy
> Portland, OR
> San Fransisco, CA
> Sacramento, CA
> Phoenix, AZ
> Hawaii
> Denver, CO
> West Yellowstone, MT
> Keystone, SD
> Austin, TX
> New Orleans, LA
> Boston, MA
> Barcelona, Spain
> Ontario, Canada
> Madrid, Spain
> Frankfurt, Germany
> Munich, Germany
> Beijing, China
> Tokyo, Japan
> Amsterdam, The Netherlands
> Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

That's the list so far! As I go to these places I'm going to post about it. At some point in my lifetime I hope I will visit all of these places. That would be the greatest thing in the world!

Broken

2008-10-23T21:57:00.000-07:00

So much for not breaking the chain. All you have to do is throw a cute guy (or my boss... who, for the record, is not a cute guy) in front of me and almost everything goes to pot.

I posted that blog on Tuesday saying how I was taking more steps to help myself not "break the chain", well that very same day I get some terrible news. At 3:00 pm I find out my boss needs me to work a double shift. I had already worked all morning so i was already dead tired, but me being the wonderful reliable person I am say, "Of course, Ray! I'll be there!" I decided I was only going to stay until 8:00pm and then I'll go make an appearance at institute (to see a cute boy of course) and then I'll go to the gym.

Well After I finally got off of work at 8:00pm I immediately head to the institute and, of course, the cute boy I wanted to see was there ;) which made my night. When I got there I started interpreting for the last 15 minutes of the lesson. While I was interpreting my back started to cramp up and caused a lot of pain... along with my shoulder (earlier in the day I had re-injured a previous injury. FYI that means I tore the soft tissue in my shoulder again).

The lesson ended and I stayed and talked to this said cute boy. We had set a date for the next night and I just wanted to iron out some plans. 20 - 30 minutes later we go our separate ways. I get into my car look at the clock it's about 9:30 and I say to myself, "UGH! it's too late to go to the gym and I'm hurting..." blah blah blah blah blah!

SO I DIDN'T GO!!!

Wednesday rolls around. Naturally I'm looking forward to this date with the way awesome/cute/funny/cool guy. I figure it can't go very late because we're starting at 5pm. I figured the latest 8 or 9. I then planned to go to the gym after we were finished hanging out.

That didn't happen! The cute boy kept me entranced until 4:30 Thursday morning. There was no way I was going to get to the gym then especially after not sleeping.

Then I automatically thought, "well I'll go after work." Come to find out that I have to work a double again tonight. I was SO tired I came home and just laid in bed.

NOW after much debate I am not going to the gym tonight, but I will be going tomorrow morning before I have to go to work. So that's the plan. Unless the cute boy calls and says he wants to do breakfast. ;) Which I HIGHLY DOUBT. One can dream though right?

The Color Purple

2008-10-21T08:02:00.000-07:00

I was on a forum the other day and one of the topics was about the color purple (not the book the actual color). One of the questions presented by this forum was some thing along the lines of "what does the color purple remind you of?"

Well for me the color purple reminds me of fat/obese people. Don't ask me why it just does. Maybe because I saw some really really huge person wearing purple sometime or whatever the reason.

I was thinking last night about some of the goals I am making for myself (One of them to be to go to the gym everyday except Sunday). So I decided to go to the grocery store at 11:30 last night and pick up a composition notebook to track my progress. I get to the store and they have 2 colors to choose from. Purple and red. My first instinct was to immediately grab the red notebook. As I was reaching for it I said to myself purple wouldn't be good to motivate myself to go to the gym. I quickly stopped and said a purple notebook would motivate me MORE than anything else!

So I grabbed the purple notebook and went to check out. I printed off some calendars and pasted them in the first few pages of the book with some "motivational quotes."

It is now right next to me on the floor and I feel like going to the gym RIGHT NOW!

The color purple is good for something!

Don't get me wrong purple isn't all that bad... I mean Darkwing Duck (only the coolest crime fighter ever) wore purple.

I don't like the color purple partially because it reminds me of fate people. Also because throughout my growing up years my favorite color was pink because of the pink Power Ranger, and then my mom got it into her head and everyone else's that my favorite color was purple. Crazy family!

Don't break the Chain!

2008-10-20T00:22:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my friend Traci and her blog post about her goal to not breaking the chain I'm changing my outlook on how I make goals. My goals usually are oh I want to do this, but taking no action and no positive reinforcement to make them happen. BUT when I mentally started a chain I could see that I'm actually working toward something and that I'm building on something and making it bigger and stronger everyday. Positive reinforcement helped me immensely! Now it's just time to make it official into something I can physically see.

SO STEP ONE, I'm going to print off some calendars.
STEP TWO is to not break the chain.

One of my goals is to go to the gym everyday (except Sunday). So far I've done really well except Friday when I was surprised by the fact that I had to work all day and Saturday when I was in bed most of the day with a migraine type headache.

I encourage everyone to read The "don't break the chain" article. It may just be the motivation you need to get off your patooty! Just like it was mine!

Good luck!

Experience

2008-10-08T22:30:00.001-07:00

I was talking to a friend the other night about experiences I believe people should have in college.

He was talking about how he was planning on taking 19+ units/credits a semester so he could get his BA in 3 semesters (Mind you this is not where my complaint lies I'm all for finishing school as fast as possible). I asked him if he was planning on working part time, since he has to pay for his education, living expenses, etc. He said no he's just going to focus on school.

My response to that was "Good Luck. I could never do it." Which is the HONEST TO ZEUS TRUTH!! I could never just go to school, I have to have a sense of freedom. He started to ask why I felt that way. I proceeded to tell my friend that in order to do things you have to have money. If a group of people are going out bowling, out to a movie, dinner, etc. you need money.

(Now we're getting to the part that i didn't agree with)

His response to this was, "why would I want to do that?"

What are you a recluse?! Seriously why wouldn't you want to do that?! At any rate I told him that making friends is a part of normal college life and it's an important part to being a well rounded person.

Of course he didn't see it exactly as I did. He starts going off about how he has all of the friends he needs and how he has made his close group of friends out of the people he wants to associate with so he wouldn't have to make any more friends.

Finally after going back and forth just a little bit more I decided there was no winning him over. So I did something I rarely ever do... I conceded.

Now it's my chance to tell ALL OF YOU how I don't agree! YAY!!!

I mean if you aren't going to be making new friends what is the point of doing anything?! What's the point of going to that expensive college in another state just because they have a decent or good program? What's the point of going to church activities or classes? Without socializing and making new friends College wouldn't even exist!

I know not everyone has the same goals and dreams as everyone else but I thought that was a general want and desire to be accepted by people and be friends with people to gain a support group. It was just beyond me! Why would anyone want to go to college and NOT want to socialize?! This is the one chance you have in your life to do certain things.

So the moral of the story is: Carpe Diem! Seize the Day! Don't let life's few fleeting moments/opportunities pass you by!

;)

Everything, but Nothing

2008-09-25T01:34:00.000-07:00

WARNING THIS MAY RAMBLE AND MAKE NO SENSE (IT IS 2:00 AM)

So the other day I was filling out an about me section (the bane of my existence) and I described myself as "everything, but nothing." On a previous about me section I had listed contradicting statements that were all true. For example, I described myself as "...lovable, [but] hate-able..." Well this got me thinking.

How can I be a walking ball of contradictions?! Wouldn't that make me a hypocrite?

Well I came to this realization siting in Biology on Tuesday, while we were talking about atoms and their components. As my teacher was talking about how the protons and the electrons balance each other to make an atom neutral I figured that there was something more to this. Then I remembered in the book Angels and Demons it presented an idea that everything has an opposite to make the universe stable (The book used matter and anti-matter)

I applied this concept of balancing everything out to me and my personality. Well maybe to make ourselves somewhat stable (I mean let's face it, who in this world is REALLY stable?!) we need to have opposites in our personality.

It was just an interesting thought that came to mind as I was trying to come up with something funky fresh to describe me. At the moment I'm satisfied with it...

"I'm everything, but nothing."

The thing that you get into now is what do you mean by everything, but nothing?

For me it means that I can do everything I can to please/help others, but in the self-less act I'm still selfish, because why am I doing it? It makes ME feel good. The list can go on.

I am everything because of my great friends and my religion, but I am nothing because without those factors I couldn't see reason to do anything.

I am everything because I have the ability to be everything, but I'm nothing because some outside force may stop me.

I am everything to one person, but nothing to another.

There are a lot of things that can contribute to the everything, but nothing description.

So again I'm satisfied with being "everything, but nothing."

Back in California

2008-09-22T11:57:00.000-07:00

More specifically I'm back in the San Fernando Valley (or LA county).

So far it's been great. Besides the living at home part. My parents drive me absolutely up the wall! I have started school at Los Angeles Pierce College and so far that's going really well! This is the 4th week into the semester and my first tests are on this Wednesday. Wish me luck!

Right now I'm working at The Granada Hills Pizza Cookery (on Balboa and Devonshire). I'm absolutely loving it! It is almost exactly the same as when I left! I mean except for the new front wall... That was courtesy of a hit and run driver. I think they wanted us to offer a drive-thru service. lol. I work there just over 35 hours a week which is great because it's fun and it's good money.

Working and school are my two MAIN focuses... of course there are others as well. Dancing would be one of them! I've gone dancing every week since I've been back. This past Saturday (September 20, 2008)I actually went to Third Saturday Swing and had a blast!

I've also tried my hand at a couple things I've never done before! The most exciting would be mountain biking! Yes I did it! Even clumsy ol' me got on a mountain bike and went on an actual trail! It was awesome and I'm going again probably on Wednesday! The other thing is actually committing to finishing a book series. I've never finished a series of books before, so I have committed to finishing the Blue Bloods series. I would suggest that everyone read it!

So that's what I've been doing for the last three weeks! Ain't it exciting?! I know I'm not a very interesting person, but I'm planning on doing a lot more in the near future and I'm sure that will be more interesting to read.

Play time

2008-07-14T15:46:00.000-07:00

A few nights ago I had the most fun I have had since the "take cover" incident with Rocio(which consisted of her and I throwing stuffed animals back and forth yelling "take cover" in Russian type accents).

At any rate, Drew and I were at the grocery store and just happened to walk down the isle with the $2 toys. For some reason we go all out! The next thing I know we're walking out of the store with PVC Dinosaurs, Army Men, toy guns that shoot the arrows that stick to the wall, and the magic sponges that turn from pill type things to sponges.

We get back to Drew's place throw the pills in warm water and make our way to the garage. After separating the dinosaurs and army men into two teams. We set up the team formations and set some ground rules. Then the battle begun! The goal was to knock down the opposing army.

I felt pretty confident because I didn't have just anyone as my commander(s) I had the whole land before time crew! Petrie, Spike, Ducky, Cera, and Little Foot. Unfortunately these commander weren't up for the challenge. Even after recruiting Drew's brother Alex we still experienced an upsetting loss.

HERE are a few pics I took with my phone to remember the night. (Note my sunburn from earlier that day at Arches.)

Arches Overview

2008-07-07T16:23:00.000-07:00

Arches National Park is a beautiful place where one can go to hike, get some fresh air and relax. Too bad for me it wasn’t as relaxing as it was back breaking!

The adventure begins on July 4^th around 4 pm. First Drew and I picked up a few necessary food items at the local Walmart, then we Left South Salt Lake City, Utah around 5 pm or 6 pm. When we arrived in Moab we had the hardest time finding the Lazy Lizard Hostel, where we had reservations to stay (it turned out you needed to turn INTO the A-1storage facility’s parking lot).

Drew and I got a good night sleep woke up the next morning, July 5^th, bright and early at 7am to get ready for the long day we knew we had ahead of us. After much insisting that I needed to look perfect because we are going to take pictures we set out on the road to Arches National Park!

First we hiked to the Delicate Arch, and then we made our way to the Devil’s Garden where we hiked the Primitive Trail. Let me tell you… that Trail is PRIMITIVE! We stopped at multiple arches while hiking up in Devils Garden (I.E. Double O arch, Pine tree arch, and Private arch.). When we had finally decided that we were going to call it a day we were both completely wiped out!

While we were walking back to the car we come to a sandy area that has a fenced pathway. I’m looking down dragging my feet. Suddenly, BOOM! I was taken aback for a second. I hadn’t known what hit me. To my surprise there was a HUGE tree branch just in the middle of this FENCED OFF PATH! So the highlight of the trip was that I ran into a tree and we got to make fun of it the rest of the time!

I had tons of fun and would suggest Arches National Park to anyone who is an outdoor lover and wants to see some amazing sites!

Here is a link where you can view the pictures from this amazing trip!

Taking a Trip

2008-07-04T12:19:00.000-07:00

Yes that's right! To celebrate the 4th of July, Independence Day, I'm taking a trip 4 hours south of Sandy, Utah to Arches National Park. Drew and I are leaving today, after I get off of work (around 3pm), and heading down there.

Even though I have gone to Arches before and hiked to the Delicate Arch, I am thoroughly excited! I have not done any of the hikes other than Delicate Arch; which means there will be a lot to do/see.

So here's the Pre-Hike check off list (as of now).

HIGH SIERRA ‘WHITEWATER’ HYDRATION PACK 2.0 Liters
Water
clothes/shoes
Toiletries
Camera
Clif and Luna Bars
Trail Mix
Fruit Leather
Sunblock
Rockstar
Hair ties

I think This will make for a pretty amazing trip! Don't worry of course I will post pictures and tell everyone about my experience! See you all Saturday night!

Twitter

2008-06-23T15:27:00.000-07:00

I'm sure most of those reading my blog know I'm a twitter-er.

What is Twitter you may ask? Well It's good that Wikipedia has answers to almost EVERYTHING!

"Twitter is a free social networking and micro-blogging service that allows users to send 'updates' (or 'tweets'; text-based posts, up to 140 characters long) to the Twitter web site, via the Twitter web site, short message service (SMS), instant messaging, or a third-party application such as Twitterrific or Facebook."

Twitter has basically become my favorite part of the day. Waking up to say good morning to everyone and getting a cheerful "Hello @karenvizzy! How are you from" @br0xen or @mishimmy. Hearing about @bobthecow being a leader, "I overheard Homogonized was the new overheard." Watching as @popthestack @lelani and @drfindley geek out about Dr. Who. @jessicaford and @some0...chasyaldor...chasy (lol) talk about birthday presents and eating "baby". @sesasha and @sdswingr poking fun at me for something I said or did, or just calling me a douchebag.

Basically I have to say thank you to all of my close twitter friends who make the day go by so much faster! Each of you have a special place in my heart.

No fear for all those twitter-ers I haven't met yet I'll make room in my heart for you too!

SLC to LA from IDK

2008-06-18T16:38:00.000-07:00

If you didn’t know before here is an official announcement for you, I am moving back home on August 31, 2008 (F.Y.I. for everyone that’s the day after my birthday). By the way, the reason it’s an official announcement here is because I know no one back home knows I have a blog and I don’t want people back home to know. That was a disclaimer for those back home who may come across this.

I’m looking forward to moving back to the good ol’ SFV (San Fernando Valley located in Northern Los Angeles County).

There is a “but”…

The dilemma I face is this: I want to move back now! There are many reasons I find it would be beneficial to wait, but I can’t stand talking to my friends on the phone and wishing I was there to do the cool stuff they are doing! Every time I get off of the phone with my BFF Rocio ---> I find myself wanting to move back that day.

For instance today, I called her to tell her I’m an ace for not realizing the date until 10:30 pm last night (it was her birthday). We talked for a while and she had to go, because she was getting another call. After I hung up I went right back to work doing what I do. Suddenly a wave of nostalgic memories came FLOODING back! Then I start thinking of when the soonest I could move back and I start missing my friends and the fun good times we had together all the time.

On the other hand though, after I start thinking I’ll quit before Camp Hollywood (CH) go to CH then come back pack and move! I start to think, “Well I want to be here for my birthday,” “I don’t want to leave my friends HERE,” and “If I move back when I’m still a teenager my parents will have a field day!”

I think it basically comes down to the fact that I know moving back home is going to be the right choice. The choice I have to decide on though is whether or not I want to wait or go back now. I wish people would just make the decision for me! That would be a lot easier!

Suggestions? Comments? Concerns?

Define Me

2008-06-15T22:58:00.000-07:00

So I have a thing on face book called define me. I initially set it up to see how people would describe me to write a new wicked awesome about me section for my social networking sites... you know the usual (Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, my blog, Plurk, etc.). Well no on has defined me yet. Hopefully on my blog I'll get a better response.

Here is your chance to help me. Define me. Say whatever you want! I promise I won't be offended... well I'll try not to be. if I don't like it I can delete it. hahaha. The power of being in control.

At any rate, define me. GO.

Holding a snake

2008-06-15T22:15:00.000-07:00

So holding a snake is an interesting experience. It's something I've always been afraid of. Well Thanks to one of my bestest and hottest friends in the world, Drew, I slowly worked my way up to holding his ball python.

First I started by watching him handle the snakes and blue tongued skinks and feed them.
Next, I pet his skinks.
Third, I held a skink.
Then, I let a snake slither on my arm just a little.
FINALLY, today I actually held a ball python.

(All reptiles and Drew are pictured below as well as me holding the python.)

Mind you it has taken my 3 months to get to this point. But the point is I got there! Right? right!

Drew

Blue Tongued Skink

Ball Python

ME HOLDING THE BALL PYHON

New Phone!!!

2008-06-13T13:02:00.000-07:00

So I got a new phone! The Nokia 5310 (top picture). Isn't it beautiful! I love it so far. Granted I have only had it for 1 day, but For this one day it has been great! Considering I changed it from the Sidekick III ( bottomw picture) it is definitely a change! I'm just happy that I will have picture messaging again! I'm going to be picture message happy for a while. So if I have your phone number and I know you can picture message I most likely will be sending you a message! Woohoo!

Keep in mind the pictures aren't proportioned to each other.

Karen the Douchebag

2008-06-12T10:46:00.000-07:00

"So I'm hangin' out with all of my buddies, and uh, I realize something,I realize something. Think of the group of people you've knownthe longest in your life. Think of the group of friends you've hung out with the most, maybe you're all here tonight.And this is what I realized, I had an epiphany, and here it is, right here:There is one person, in every group of friends, that nobody f***ing likes.
You basically keep them there, to hate their guts.When that person is not around the rest of your little base camp,your hobby, is cutting that person down.

Example: "Karen, is always a douchebag."

Every group has a Karen and she is always a bag of douche.And when she's not around, you just look at each other and say,"God, Karen, she's such a douchebag!".Until she walks up, then you're like, 'Hey, what's up Kar-? Kar-. What's up Kar-?'"

- Dane Cook

Apparently I'm a bag of douche. This is my claim to fame right here! lol. So from now on I expect people to say "Hey Kar!" to me. And this is fair warning... I'm allowed to be a douchebag!

First Post!

2008-06-11T17:00:00.000-07:00

Well I just created this account in 10 minutes and figured I'd better put something here. So here it is! But they are now kicking me off of my work computer because the work day is over. So I guess until next time! woohoo!